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The Soliloquy of a Sonador

Ever since you flew away,
I have been conjuring up your image.
In the midst of my thoughts,
you light up a smoke and offer it to me.
Everything ceases to be right, I palpitate.
I am supposed to be lonely as the cloud.
You make me forget the sound of fleeting music. 
In the background, a portly man laughs.
In a puff of drowsy numbness,
I catch a glimpse of your sparkling eyes. 

What are you, I wonder. How could you,
Love was it, then ? Like a waterfall in a desert ?
After that brief encounter, you vanished.
I looked at you as a figment of imagination. 
My body wore the tell-tale signs of time.
I believe I saw the best of dark and bright,
Or was it the crazy trick of reflection ?
One fine evening,you landed at my doorstep.
I was old and so were you. Beauty had
Served its purpose. My nest was empty. 
I had flowers at my feet,you were real. 

Sometimes I ponder about you. I should 
Have known. You were capable of hurting me. 
You were the nightmare I was waiting for.
Nubile I was,you played me well. Not that 
I was ignorant,I chose to feign it. 
You were the love of my life, Senhora. 
I had all the money in the world for you.
I still remember,the knife you held,
The blood it drew , the flinch I saw,
In your eyes. Irony loves to see another day.
I still wonder if it was a vision, or a 
waking dream. You still mesmerize me. 

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I CANNOT REMEMBER MY MOTHER ~ Rabindranath Tagore

I cannot remember my mother,
only sometime in the midst of my play
a tune seems to hover over my playthings,
the tune of some song that she used to
hum while rocking my cradle.


I cannot remember my mother
but when in the early autumn morning
the smell of the shiuli flowers floats in the air,
the scent of the morning service in the
temple comes to me as the scent of my mother.


I cannot remember my mother
only when from bedroom window
I send my eyes into the blue of the distant sky,
I feel that the stillness of my mother's gaze on my face
has spread all over the sky.

~Rabindranath Tagore
Note : This was one of  the earliest poems I read,loved and cherished.

WAITING FOR YOU

Concealed by dark clouds
You keep shining.
Bright streaks of light
Dazzle me.
Enchant me.
And keep me waiting..
Waiting for you.

Amidst Soul-lessness

There is smoke somewhere. 
I cannot seem to figure out where. 
The lights are here, the music is here.
Has it been home here ?
Perhaps. Maybe when it did not rain.
Or maybe when it rained and it did not matter.
Maybe when I walked alone, smiling to myself. 
Or maybe when I realized I was okay.
Had it been always like this ?

Not really. 
Things clicked, took effort and blood. 
Did I do it ? Or the beasts did ? Maybe we both together,
Played this game. 
Amidst soulful solitude, it was love. 
Maybe appreciation.
Another journey, another dry spell. 
Will it ever be home again ? 

P.S. : Penned at Candies, Bandra on 11th January 2017