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Double lives

Mobile phone. Check.
Tickets. Check.
Sunglasses. Check.
Heart. Uncheck.

Tears. Check.
Pain. Check.
His memories. Check.
Kiss of love. Uncheck.

No meetings. Check.
Wet pillows. Check.
Lies. Check.
Hi Honey ! Uncheck.

Start. End. Repeat.
Recent posts

Our shared dream

I have a single dream every night,
With you in it. In your favourite t-shirt,
You sleep in my dream and I ...
Gaze at you for hours together,
Drink the wine of ecstasy ;
Eyes closed, you resemble Adonis.

As you wake up, I put up the question -
"Why can't you be here ? With me, all the time"
You smile endearingly, and say -
"I am here with you. Don't you see me ?"
You seem like a fleeting dream.

Tears and smiles at the same moment,
You taught me to do this - "Love you forever",
I say and your embrace encompasses my world.
I hear from you "It is your turn next time".
I close my eyes imagining another rhapsody,
And I do not seem to find you again ...

Fairy Lights

"Remember the last time I came to your house ?"
"Yes, the same lights. No, these are new ones. It was ages ago. Christmas I guess."
"No, your birthday."
"Ah ! Birthdays. Who cares about it these days ? "
"Come on, friends do."
With a smirk, she asked, "Really ?" 
I decided to keep quiet. Sofie had this hold on me.

A lot had changed during the twelve years. 

I had left Sofie's world and never intended to return. 

But somehow I re-entered her life.  

Shaking me from my reverie, she asked, "I guess you will leave in a day or two."

I replied, "Yes, tomorrow evening."

"And when will you be back ? "

I had no answer to her question. She smiled slyly and drifted, "You remind me of him. He had no answer to most of my questions."

"I am sorry, Sofie", I blurted. 

"Please don't be. He is not dead." The standard Sofie-answer. 

She continued,"You should go and find someone.Its almos…

Fading Memories

What is with this smile Mamma ?  It follows me everywhere, in good times And in pain. During journeys and at nights I rest. Remember how you read me my Nursery rhymes and the alphabet Mamma ? Remember how you waited for me To arrive from school ? Our banters And the laughter that followed. Look ! My library is bigger now, Almost as large as that of yours. Yet, I long to hear a lullaby from you. Sing to me Mamma ! Just like You did ages ago. Don’t walk away like that Mamma ! See, I am your little girl in tears. You taught me how to fight my battles But weren’t you my shield ? I am you girl, grey and portly, But I still need to hear my lullaby.  


Amidst Soul-lessness

There is smoke somewhere. 
I cannot seem to figure out where. 
The lights are here, the music is here.
Has it been home here ?
Perhaps. Maybe when it did not rain.
Or maybe when it rained and it did not matter.
Maybe when I walked alone, smiling to myself. 
Or maybe when I realized I was okay.
Had it been always like this ?

Not really. 
Things clicked, took effort and blood. 
Did I do it ? Or the beasts did ? Maybe we both together,
Played this game. 
Amidst soulful solitude, it was love. 
Maybe appreciation.
Another journey, another dry spell. 
Will it ever be home again ? 

P.S. : Penned at Candies, Bandra on 11th January 2017 


All Consuming Love

Dear You,

Looks like I have found you.

In the depths of my love, I notice your smile.

Yes, the one you flash after that brief moment of joy.

I feel your fingers entwined in mine. All the time.

Your eyes speak to mine, asking me questions.

Remember the first time I told you of my affection and my afflictions ?

You must know this. You consume my thoughts, time and grief.

Glad to have met you.

Yours,

Me.

Twenty Nine

Twenty nine pins.

One for each year of existence.

He took twenty nine different pins and thrust them into her hands.

She writhed looking at them.

One of them forced into her skin. A drop of blood appeared on her milky white fingers.

He flinched at the sight of blood.

He wanted her, she did not care.

Twenty nine pins meant nothing to her.

It was about her wishes and dreams and desires.

He saw pins and she nursed her own pain.

Years. They mean nothing. How you change matters.

Into what you change matters.

Twenty nine can well be ninety two pins, but she would not change her mind.

Twenty nine pins.