Skip to main content


When I'm born,I'm jeered at.When I'm a child,I'm made to believe that my reason for existence is somebody else.While I'm growing up,I'm discouraged to question.My brain and heart are numbed.I cannot die too,since it will bring infamity to my family.People would say,"At this age,what could have forced her to terminate herself ? She failed to materialize her fantasy.Such bad morals." I fast for the well-being of my father and brothers.When I outgrow my frocks,I'm let off to another household.There, I work for others, without pay.I have children but they treat me like a door-mat.Here too,I fast for my husband's and childrens' long,peaceful life.When the man of the house,who happens to be my "husband" dies,I shed a part of my soul.I have no right to live then,I just breathe and sit in a corner.Rest of my life is spent in praying-for death.They say, "Woman needs a man.In childhood,its father.In youth,its husband and in old age,its son."All my life,I don't live for myself.I live to make others happy."Live" is a misnomer,I exist.I exist for others.

I try to kill my daughter in my womb.Only because I don't want her to live a life like me.When I finally beget a son,I command my husband's attention and then,slowly influence him to such a degree that he is henpecked for life.I drive out his parents out of "my home".I raise my children in a relatively more liberal environment.When my teenaged son takes to smoking,I don't admonish him.I just tell him to stop it,I say it half-heartedly.I secretly desire to show the soceity,"See he's my son.My mother-in-law prayed to God for 6 long years for a heir,only then he was born.Such a nasty son!"The mother in me cries her heart out,but the woman in me smiles.Eventually,my son marries a girl.I nag her for hours on end.Only because I think,if I was ill-treated, so must be she.In the process,I train my daughter(sex-determination tests are'nt always reliable) to be a devil(just like me,now). I become a clone of my mother-in-law.Later in life,my husband dies.I'm secretly happy because he never understood me.He needed someone to look after himself and his household,so he had married me.My position was worse than a maid,I didn't get wages!!Still,I cry a lot,all my clothes,jewellery are removed.A coarse,white sari is my constant companion.My greying hair is shorn off.I turn a veggie(Widows are not allowed to eat non-veg food).My life ends in some old-age home.My son performs my last rites .And yes,if I die while my husband is alive,then I'm called "lucky".A mini-band plays on my way to the burial grounds.It symbolizes that I've kept my word,there is a belief that a bride comes to her husband's house on palaquin and must leave it on her journey to burial grounds.I'm not even allowed to die on my own !I bear a burden of sins which I never meant to do,I learnt it all from life.A bud is nipped and a diabolic tree is nurtured in me.I think I'm born to die.

It happens in India,but in other parts of the world,there are different traditions that bind a woman in chains of "a living hell".You may ask why women are hateful and have hosts of other "villainous" traits.My answer is -As you sow,so shall you reap.When someone is hated,ill-treated and crumpled,she tends to give the same and the cycle goes on.

When and how can it stop?Is it a woman's fault?Or man's?Or of nature?


how can it be nature's fault???
it's society's fault.
But whatever you said i agree it has happened is still happening but slowly at a snail's pace things are changing.

Today women are in somewhat stronger position than a decade ago.
I've always been in awe of power they unknowingly possess.

Also i don't understand that a why a women thinks she needs to marry??
She needs someone to look after her?? Y??What's the need??The truth is that from her childhood she's brainwashed into believing that she has to marry someone..her prince charming BLA bla bla...damn this society..they want the women to be slaves.

I think women are mentally more mature as compared to men and more saner too.There are 89% men in sanitariums.It already been seen that women are better managers too.
When a man loses his saale ko to koi nai roktaa non-veg khaane se,hair-dye lagane se,sajne se..again yeh ghatiya society and stupid religions.Stop believing in these stupid things that you were told when you were a kid and take your own decisions.Women are themselves to blame also..for believing in these stupid priests and religions.Open your eyes..till now you all have been used as sex-objects and reproducing machines.Take charge of your own life and if you marry make sure your husband knows that you are a human being too.
*~*{Sameera}*~* said…
That was a stunning portrayal of a woman's journey from womb to tomb.Though we don't and hopefully won't have to face her plight,there is a time at least once in our lives when every woman questions God as to why she was born as one.

Awesome post dear!
Priya Joyce said…
a lovely way a subtle way to express the true conditions which bring out hatred in women.
very well written and expressed just simply liked it.
Pooja said…
So nicely penned!

After all d thots i hav already voiced abt woman empowermnt,dont get me startd now...lolz...

It's high tym inhumane treatmnt 2wards woman shud stop..n dey shud b respectd...

Soceity has startd changin'...hope it realise d dormant power of women,soon...
Anwesa, that is a stunning piece of writing and believe me the best read so far on your blog.

I don’t know the background to this post but but again I am sure whatever you have written here is influenced by the history. There is a wave of change in everything and anything that we live or die for but what remains the ultimate truth that strike out while life lose out its own control is –“We are born to die”.

It’s difficult and maybe impossible to trace back when and why in our society, the fight begun between men and women for whatsoever reasons of power and freedom. And then the society took its turns to whomsoever won, for reasons they able to prove at time to time, it maybe women some part or men on other parts. I don’t see a fault in either of them but a fatal error.

Some people are good in generalizing and some in holding back their opinions. Irrespective of the situations the error message remained the same every time “men and women are equal and you can’t cheat your own god, only together they can make the world round”. I believe if every single man and woman can read that error message and take steps to clear it off, then the society will be excused from this topic of the age old game of authority on people’s life.

I hope it can make some sense to your post.
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading so passionately.I appreciate ur views.when i asked if it was nature's fault,i meant that women r women only bcoz nature has made them so.the soceity comprises of u n me,so its our fault(no offence meant).a woman is forced to marry coz she nvr learnt to be independent-financially n socially.imagine a spinster living on her own in "typical" indian set-up.can she hav a moment's peace?in fact,women r mor sincere to wedlock.u mite hav heard men abandoning worldly lyf in pursuit of God,but a woman doing the same is rarer.
RiverSoul said…
This truly is exactly what I am very much against.
Blood boils when i hear of such despicable acts. I am enraged even further when i hear that these torturous acts of inhuman nature, are carried out in the name of righteousness and as an act of God.
Which God can ever sanction such cruelty to anyone?

This is one of the reasons i turned agnostic a few years ago.
Gr8 work.
Keep it up Anwesa
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading.ya,evry woman,irrespective of rich or poor,educated or uneducated has to face some kind of awkward situation only coz she's a woman.I hope the situation improves soon.
ANWESA said…
@priya joyce,
thanx 4 reading..
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading.i'm eagerly waiting 4 d tym wen a woman is told-be proud coz ur a woman.
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading.I'm glad to know that it sounded like my "best" post till date.the background to this post is the things that r happening lately.its the same world over-of course wid brilliant xceptions.i agree with wat u'v said-men n woman make d world round.i hope to see women n men at par wid each other in my lyftym itself-in all spheres of lyf.
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading n d encouragement.i
appreciate ur sentiments.i dunno if i sound too preachy-but its not God's FAULT.its d apparition of sick human minds.well,i dint wish to hurt ur feelings in any way.thanx agen.
Harshita said…
What an amazing post!!

I have no words right now as I am so taken aback with the kind of confession you have posted...

Way to go gal!
Vinz aka Vinu said…

its definitely not a fault of nature...

these things are prevalent from day one of our existence..human kinds existence...

and man just dominated them..and women kept suffering...

but things are changing my friend...!! its equality coming up..if not your generation lets hope there is no disparity between the sexes for the coming generation...

so, dont kill your daughter in your wonb itself..she got a better life in future..!!

Aneesh said…
Nicely portrayed. I have just read a book by Taslima Nasrin which mentions all these, but I cannot agree to the "it happens in India". may be at some place in India, some times.
'N the equality part? that's a mystery to be solved. I think the creator created it that way. It's the theory of nature that the strong dominate the weak. Powerful countries rule powerless countries. Rights and regulations are only for the powerful. That's what's happening in the world.
Even in animals, Lion is the king not lioness, Male elephant is the leader of it's heard.
So, who/what/why is the reason? No one knows
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading n appreciating so much.
ANWESA said…
@vinz aka vinu,
thanx 4 reading n givin optimistic views.i wud be vry vry happy when equality of sexes prevail in its truest sense-even though i'm dead n gone.well,the post was written in the perspective of a woman who has traversed all stages of life.its not my personal opinion.
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading.well,wat i'v written is omnipotent-wherever there r women,they r subdued,only the forms differ.not only in India,all over the world.i'm not pointing out a stray incident,its about the general lives of women.
i agree that the strong rules the weak.i'v heard that a wounded tigress is more dangerous than a fit tiger.If women were weak,why do Hindus n Christians pray Durga Maa as a power-giver n Mother Mary?women r'nt weak,
they just don't realize their strength.they r made 2 beliv that they nothing widout men.
I would blame it on all 3 of them ... each have their own role to play ..
it was a beautiful post .... and i agree with you on many points ...
ANWESA said…
@descrying the shadows,
thanx 4 reading.ya,i agree wid u that all the 3-man,woman n nature r responsible 4 the tragedy.
Divya said…
that was beautiful!!
i wouldn't it call it nature's fault.. maybe it's men and women both, the society's fault; although i'm inclined to say it is more of the mens' fault... our society is still largely patriarchal and therein lies the fault.
ANWESA said…
nice 2 kno ur thots.thanx 4 reading.
Society just can't let an individual live. As if society's hands are itching to find flaws with others - they can't stop gossiping why someone might have committed suicide. They can't just stop forcing others into customs, traditions and rites. As if they need to make someone feel sad, defeated.A bunch of hypocrites and parasites !! The discrimination is
all society's fault.

I loved the title of the post very much. It kind of conjures the image of a woman with stooping shoulder under the burden of guilt called womanhood... narrating her life as if it were a crime. The word 'confession' shocked me first... But its a very appropriate word.

But I still feel it is only half of the story. Look at some of the free modern women ... they smoke, drink and flirt.( Should we call it evolution or revolution? - I don't know). Can we just overlook how anxious parents become when their little daughter falls sick? A life of a woman is not just for others. It used to be once upon a time. Women today file divorce papers. Women today are corporate leaders. And more is... women needn't be someone's daughter, or sister, or wife - they exist as them self. And about white sari, or fasts - they are like the sati-system... I am sure one day they will be present only in history books.
ANWESA said…
@abhishek sim,
well,it was quite interesting 2 read ur opinion.oppression of women will bcom history soon,Amen!
the other side of the pic-women smoke,drink,flirt-why?not coz they
r rich,but bcoz they may b insecure.that's another story.well,yes,parents do love their daughters as well.but in many homes,u'll find discrimination.the forms may b mild.u'll b shocked to kno dat many things havn't chenzed 4 a larged no. of women,even in 21st century.
Anonymous said…
And yet...yet its only women who can do everything to alleviate their position :)
Rakesh said…
Thoughts penned down very neatly. No offence meant to anyone. Very well written post.
There are incidents in the history where a woman left the material life and went on to become sadhu. Examples are those of Sarabhai, Akka Mahadevi and etc. You might want to take a look at Mahadevi history here at
Whatever you wrote was true once. I guess it has changed now.
Hope you would see the change sooner or later.
Good luck :)
Aneesh said…
Weak in the sense, physically. Don't you agree that men are physically stronger than women?
And it is a fact that strong rules weak, whether in same gender or not. Even the bully kids @ school are those who are stronger physically.
'N religions worshiping women is out of respect and importance than of strength, I think.
Women deserves equality and all rights enjoyed by men, but what I pointed out was the nature's theory of "strong ruling the weak".

***they r made 2 beliv that they nothing widout men.

Well, I must say here, that belief is an individual thing. You should not believe what you can't. Just 'coz we are raised in a god-fearing family does not mean we will be god-fearing, right?

'N yah, women are coming up now a days, the world is changing, Let's hope we'll be in an equal world tomorrow.
Vinz aka Vinu said…
yeah..that i very well understood my friend.. i was just stating my opinion..thts all..

Ashish Surana said…
Nicely written...would surely add the link on the one i would write on a similar subject :)

Keep BLogging..

Yeah..m blog rolling u for the future :)
Rakesh said…
Till the time we make a women feel she is handicapped coz she is a women, and as long as she is susceptible to society coz it doesn’t value her womanhood, the thinking will not change and the equation will remain the same. Women will be empowered from true lack of restrictions.Once women in India get to live their life with out any fear and restriction she will be able to change the mind set of people. and then more a womanhood will be seen as a limitation…
Keshi said…
SOCIETY is the culprit behind all shit.

Priya Joyce said…
hey plz attend the poll on ma blog k
Solitaire said…
Society and its norms of course!!!
Its getting better but will I ever be able to see equality while I am still alive? I am not sure.
Hemanth Potluri said…
:)...marvelous piece of thing i read today after thikin to comment on blogs...its nice to see such a good post...the explanation is done soo good loved it..:)..

phoenix said…
thats soo beautifully expressed....amazing!!

i had tears in my eye...

you know this is the truth but not many have the guts to proclaim it is and aim at a supposed equality among sexes,though it will never be...
Prashant Sree said…
Hey anwesa,

a well written post !! Now answering your Q, its our fault.,. The fault of our attitudes.,. Yes, i agree that women have been treated unjustly for all these days, yet it doesnt mean that takes away her rightful position. There have been people who have stood for the Women's right and her freedom., And its a known fact that Without a Woman, a Man cant exist. She is the one who brings him to the world and dons different role in helping man with his life. Yet i believe instead of looking at these things as Man living for Woman, or a Woman living for a Man, it should be both living for each other.

You have said that a Mother treats her daughter-in-law so that she can give what she had got. Well, that has been happening till now.,.Yet nowadays, situation s slightly better off.,. A woman on her own is an individual entity.,.It will depend on how she aligns herself with her surroundings and how she see's herself which will determine how she is treated.,.

All said and done, there's a lot to be achieved in terms of Women empowerment, which has some downlines too.,. As long as a Man and Women understand each other,the more prosperous our Society will be...

Good confessions overall !! ;)
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading,ur comment was vry apt.women themselves can do their own good.
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading n appreciating.thanx 4 d info.i'll chek dem at d earliest.n yes,i do hope 2 c some concrete changes 4 the gud.
ANWESA said…
its tru dat men hav more horsepower dan women.but lyf isn't a school.n i think its sheer hypocrisy to respect women as goddess wen 1 doesn't respect her human form.1's thots r moulded by his/her surroundings.4 women,its within 4 walls of home n so der is a lot of family influence.any sort of new idea is thru sources lyk books,media,etc.n yes,i hope 2 c equality of sexes in times 2 come.
ANWESA said…
@vinz aka vinu,
thanx 4 clarifying..
ANWESA said…
@asish surana,
thanx 4 visiting,reading n blogrolling me.happy blogging!
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading n commenting so meticulously.u deserve a clap..
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading..
ANWESA said…
@priya joyce,
i'v attended the poll on ur blog.
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading.sadly,i too hav d same opinion.i wish we cud make a change.
ANWESA said…
@hemanth potluri,
thanx 4 reading n appreciating so much.n yes,keep smiling n blogging..
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading n appreciating so much..even i was emo while riting the post.i hope this stops soon..hah..but it might nvr be..
ANWESA said…
@prashant sree,
thanx 4 reading,ur comment was vry thotful,especially "live 4 each other" idea.i wish it happens soon enuf.we all must rise above empty ego n make world a better place 2 live in.
Anonymous said…
Well it is true that cycle of hatred breeds hatred , who 's fault is that and where it cna stop! when we realize the smae truth u stated ......its a circle and when you find one point and break it .In short its in perception. I know a few who took choice of breaking that cycle breed love out of hatred ...Their choice made difference to them, may not to society as a whole......
It's always individual efforts that lead to change
ANWESA said…
yes,that pt of break is the change we must b lukin for.a little luv is enuf 2 reduce hatred.n yes,individual efforts en-masse can lead 2 changes.thanx 4 reading..
Aneesh said…
Well, charity begins at home, right?
So, let's these begin from home too..
Break the rules!!
After all, rules are to be broken
ANWESA said…
fortunately I don't have any such tyranny in my home.If it was not the situation,I wud have never lived the lyf I'm living now.
Trinaa said…
absolutely fantastic!..keep writing.. :)
Lakshmi said…
Thought provoking..its obviously society that has conditioned us women to think like this..
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading n givin ur view..
Crystal.. said…
Got me in tears..tht was just too engrossing..n splendid!!

the worst part which is still unspoken abt is..the cruel Bengali custom of cutting the hair of bengali widows n sensing them as a beggar to the ghats of Varanasi..bleh!
(no offence to bengalis) much more!
why should we bare?
Aneesh said…
Hey anwesa,

You r tagged, sorry :)
ANWESA said…
yes,u pointed out a cruel custom of shorning the widow's hair.i dint kno it was a bengali tradition.its unfortunate dat it still xists 2de.
ANWESA said…
i'v replied to ur tag.
Diana said…
Am speechless after reading this. Actually, I hav rebelled a lot against these chauvinist rituals that are tagged to a woman and just a woman. But in vain.

Forget other parts of India. Have u seen the treatment that the female sex gets in our very own Oriya society?The way a small girl of say perhaps five years, is asked to observe Khudurkuni and some other f&^*%#g rituals!Of course for betterment of her brothers and for want of a perfect, ideal man, a HUSBAND. I mean WTF.

The way women are discriminated if they donot giv birth to sons. The way a widow is treated if she takes part in a social gathering. The way a girl is treated if she wants to be free.

All talks of women empowerment fall flat when one witnesses all this.

U must hav heard about last year's Nayagarh female foetuses incident..doesnt that speak volumes about the discrimnation the female sex has to face from the society.
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading.i'm happy dat u liked it.yes,u threw light on some important aspects of women in our country n state.i hope the situation improves somehow.
gunj said…
a woman's for sure!
coz she tolerates it!
ANWESA said…
a startling comment,thanx 4 reading.
sad but this is the truth of many women here have to face :( ;(
your post reminded me of two things.
1st ogden nash's "Vicious cycle"
& 2nd Balika vadhu ( its a soap ) .
must say that was very well written & didn't for a moment seem pretentious or false -- just the truth.
ANWESA said…
@i'll try 2 b truthful,
thanx 4 reading n posting a comment.i'vnt read "vicious cycle" but i 'v watched "balika vadhu" on tv many tyms.the fate of women is worse than that depicted in the soap.
Rushabhh Gandhi said…
cudnt complete it..will come back... :)
Oh wow... real thought provokin
so many questions tht have no been answered since ages!!! dunno if thy ever will be... all i can say is that its in our hands at the end of the day, we gotta stand up for ourselves and for fellow womwn too... sumthn tht we don do very often :)
mayz said…
i remember postin a comment here...funny :((

anyway dat was heart wrenchin...tugged at some strings i never knew even existed...sigh!!!

blogrollin ya
Kartz said…
Hey..! That was stunning to say the least...

Thanks for dropping in... You maintain a nice blog! :) B'rollin' you...
¢яŷştąŁ said…
I really like this post btw :)
Would love to have you down my blog soon
sachin said…
nice blog...
ANWESA said…
@me mini mini mouse,
thanx 4 reading,yes,women hav 2 stand 4 themselves..
ANWESA said…
@rushabbh gandhi,
happy reading!
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading..
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading..
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading,surely gonna visit ur blog..
ANWESA said…
thanx 4 reading,surely gonna visit ur blog..
AK said…
Great article.. It throws a different perspective.. thanks

Popular posts from this blog


I cannot remember my mother,
only sometime in the midst of my play
a tune seems to hover over my playthings,
the tune of some song that she used to
hum while rocking my cradle.

I cannot remember my mother
but when in the early autumn morning
the smell of the shiuli flowers floats in the air,
the scent of the morning service in the
temple comes to me as the scent of my mother.

I cannot remember my mother
only when from bedroom window
I send my eyes into the blue of the distant sky,
I feel that the stillness of my mother's gaze on my face
has spread all over the sky.

~Rabindranath Tagore
Note : This was one of  the earliest poems I read,loved and cherished.


Concealed by dark clouds
You keep shining.
Bright streaks of light
Dazzle me.
Enchant me.
And keep me waiting..
Waiting for you.

Amidst Soul-lessness

There is smoke somewhere. 
I cannot seem to figure out where. 
The lights are here, the music is here.
Has it been home here ?
Perhaps. Maybe when it did not rain.
Or maybe when it rained and it did not matter.
Maybe when I walked alone, smiling to myself. 
Or maybe when I realized I was okay.
Had it been always like this ?

Not really. 
Things clicked, took effort and blood. 
Did I do it ? Or the beasts did ? Maybe we both together,
Played this game. 
Amidst soulful solitude, it was love. 
Maybe appreciation.
Another journey, another dry spell. 
Will it ever be home again ? 

P.S. : Penned at Candies, Bandra on 11th January 2017