I do not remember exactly when I thought I fell for you.
Maybe a few summers ago. All in a flash of a second.
You seemed so fresh and alluring. I was foolishly young – nubile. Liable to be trapped.
And we met for a brief while.
I thought you are the answer to my prayers. My longings were for you.
You chose to entice me – I never minded it. It gave me a tingling sensation, a hope that we were meant to be one. Silken dreams. Our encounters teased me. I wanted more of you. You managed to floor me sans any weapon.
Gradually I realized I was not alone. Several others vied you, tried to woo you. I burnt with jealousy. You seemed to love everyone alike. You knew no one too closely. But you ignored none.
Two summers passed. My tryst with you continued. Everyone around us thought we were together. Only we knew we weren’t. I decided to spend another summer with you. This was unexpected. Most of your admirers had left. They were tired. A new set of people came. The stage was set. I wanted to win you over. Anyhow. You were my greatest desire.
But you thought otherwise. You had something else in mind. I was not “all” for you. You thought of someone else. It was painful. I cried. But could not do anything. I had to let you go. To your dreamland. Our worlds were different now.
Something within me snapped. I knew what it was. A broken heart. That was numb. Without you, I felt it was all gone. Never to come back again. It was then when he came along. Not as handsome as you. Or maybe I never noticed him. He had a gleam though. It made no difference to me if I was alone or with someone – I had lost you. I had forgotten to smile.
One rainy night, he came to me. I shrugged him off, told him all about you. Do you know what he did ? He told me “ I know. I know it all. You may not be mine but I am all yours. Forever.” I discarded it as cheap talk.
I got hurt one day. He took almost all of my pain. And never complained . I thought he was trying to win me over. Just like I did to you…a few summers ago.
Three summers passed. I had begun to forget you, I had learnt to enjoy little things of life. Sometimes people asked me about you. I told them “Maybe he was never mine.” But you still hurt me. He loved me. Madly. Truly. Deeply. With all his might. He had hope of winning over me someday.
I lost some of my resistance to him. We became friends. And then we started becoming more than friends. And you know what happens thereafter. I needn’t tell you.
Today I feel very happy. Kind of a liberated. Free from a strange bond. Maybe coz its summer again. But you are not in my heart today. He has it all.
Yes, I am happy. After telling you this, I feel I’ve thrown the last bit of “you” in me. He is my world now.
We will live together. And love each other.
I bear you no malice. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have known him.
I wouldn’t have met him a few summers ago.