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I do not remember exactly when I thought I fell for you.

Maybe a few summers ago. All in a flash of a second.

You seemed so fresh and alluring. I was foolishly young – nubile. Liable to be trapped.

And we met for a brief  while.

I thought you are the answer to my prayers. My longings were for you.

You chose to entice me – I never minded it. It gave me a tingling sensation, a hope that we were meant to be one. Silken dreams. Our encounters teased me. I wanted more of you. You managed to floor me sans any weapon.

Gradually I realized I was not alone. Several others vied you, tried to woo you. I burnt with jealousy. You seemed to love everyone alike. You knew no one too closely. But you ignored none.

Two summers passed. My tryst with you continued. Everyone around us thought we were together. Only we knew we weren’t. I decided to spend another summer with you. This was unexpected. Most of your admirers had left. They were tired. A new set of people came. The stage was set. I wanted to win you over. Anyhow. You were my greatest desire.

But you thought otherwise. You had something else in mind. I was not “all” for you. You thought of someone else. It was painful. I cried. But could not do anything. I had to let you go. To your dreamland. Our worlds were different now.

Something within me snapped. I knew what it was. A broken heart. That was numb. Without you, I felt it was all gone. Never to come back again. It was then when he came along. Not as handsome as you. Or maybe I never noticed him. He had a gleam though. It made no difference to me if I was alone or with someone – I had lost you. I had forgotten to smile.

One rainy night, he came to me. I shrugged him off, told him all about you. Do you know what he did ? He told me “ I know. I know it all. You may not be mine but I am all yours. Forever.” I discarded it as cheap talk.

I got hurt one day. He took almost all of my pain. And never complained . I thought he was trying to win me over. Just like I did to you…a few summers ago.

Three summers passed. I had begun to forget you, I had learnt to enjoy little things of life. Sometimes people asked me about you. I told them “Maybe he was never mine.” But you still hurt me. He loved me. Madly. Truly. Deeply. With all his might. He had hope of winning over me someday.

I lost some of my resistance to him. We became friends. And then we started becoming more than friends. And you know what happens thereafter. I needn’t tell you.

Today I feel very happy. Kind of a liberated. Free from a strange bond. Maybe coz its summer again. But you are not in my heart today. He has it all.

Yes, I am happy. After telling you this, I feel I’ve thrown the last bit of “you” in me. He is my world now.

We will live together. And love each other.

I bear you no malice. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have known him.

I wouldn’t have met him a few summers ago.


wow... that's kind of good.. means cliche ending but written beautifully
nikita said…

ur blog soothes eyes....
Avi said…
Nice narration. Cathartic.
Things do happen for a reason.
Ria said…
Loved it...was so good to read a happy one from u. :)
Priya said…
Everytime i read you, I kind of feel each word, each sentence... U r such a darling gal. I completely adore u.

Keep up the good work.
Oh! Lady of Summer
"I bear you no malice. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have known him."
You are a true lover as well as a true writer, yes a good poetess.
I do consider why u simplified it here.
CONGRATS for "both".
Anwesa said…
Thanks ! I knew you would like this.
Anwesa said…
Ummm...I take it as a compliment.
Anwesa said…
Thanks for the compliment ! Blogger templates are awesome these days.
Anwesa said…
:) Me too likes happy endings :D
Anwesa said…
Thanks a lot !! Replies like this give me a big pep.
Anwesa said…
@Jamal Al-Sayed,
Thanks Sir ! Hope I continue writing the same way always.
Thousif Raza said…
i loved it i could picture it and i loved it so much... made me smile... loved it mehek... shuweet :)... beautiful work :)

take care and keep writing.........
Anwesa said…
Thanks !
Tulika said…
@ Anwesa di:

Long time... I know.. I have loads of posts to catch up, bright side.

And yes, this piece reminds me of Skaterboy by Avril. Enjoyed reading it ! :)
Anwesa said…

:) Never mind. Glad you were here and enjoyed the post :)
pri said…
had written something along the same lines quite some time ago----

i think i know what you are speaking about.
i'd say you are lucky you were ale to welcome the summer when it arrived..some people are just not strong enough :)
Anwesa said…

Or put it like this, some people do not realize what they have....

Read your post....felt the similarity...
Fatima said…
Could picture it quite well!

Well few summers ago, but will be able to forget him too ??

Nice read!

Take Care,
Anwesa said…
Sorry, couldn't get your query.
Fatima said…
@ Anwesa: Well all I meant to say let go though it took you a lot of time...but will I ever be able to let go too like you were able too ??

I've been hearing this from long forget him and move on..but how am I supposed to move when my heart still beats for him and him alone?

Ah! I'm a mess...but nevertheless your write up was a good read :)
Anwesa said…
Well,what I've written is fiction. Its just a story. But yes, you will move on someday.For sure.Time will heal all.
Glad you came back here :)
Fatima said…
@ Anwesa: Well yes, I do know this is fiction but there is just a fine line that divides fiction and factual....

Glad to have found this blog :)
Anwesa said…
Hmmm....I always believe one (wo)man's fiction is another's reality.

Hope you have happier times here in future :)

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I cannot remember my mother,
only sometime in the midst of my play
a tune seems to hover over my playthings,
the tune of some song that she used to
hum while rocking my cradle.

I cannot remember my mother
but when in the early autumn morning
the smell of the shiuli flowers floats in the air,
the scent of the morning service in the
temple comes to me as the scent of my mother.

I cannot remember my mother
only when from bedroom window
I send my eyes into the blue of the distant sky,
I feel that the stillness of my mother's gaze on my face
has spread all over the sky.

~Rabindranath Tagore
Note : This was one of  the earliest poems I read,loved and cherished.


Concealed by dark clouds
You keep shining.
Bright streaks of light
Dazzle me.
Enchant me.
And keep me waiting..
Waiting for you.

Amidst Soul-lessness

There is smoke somewhere. 
I cannot seem to figure out where. 
The lights are here, the music is here.
Has it been home here ?
Perhaps. Maybe when it did not rain.
Or maybe when it rained and it did not matter.
Maybe when I walked alone, smiling to myself. 
Or maybe when I realized I was okay.
Had it been always like this ?

Not really. 
Things clicked, took effort and blood. 
Did I do it ? Or the beasts did ? Maybe we both together,
Played this game. 
Amidst soulful solitude, it was love. 
Maybe appreciation.
Another journey, another dry spell. 
Will it ever be home again ? 

P.S. : Penned at Candies, Bandra on 11th January 2017