MY LIFE AND TIMES

A RANDOM CONVERSATION

2012-01-24T21:20:00.000+05:30

“Stop.”

“What ?”

“You know what.”

“No. Tell me.”

“This thing.”

“Studying ?”

“No. Staring.”

“I didn’t stare. “

“You did. I saw it.”

“By the way, were you staring at me ?”

“Hell no! I have work.”

“ But if you didn’t ? Would you ? “

“No way.”

“Sure ? “

“Disgusting.”

“I love that word.”

“Really ?”

“Only when you say it.”

“Ok. Anything else ? I have work.”

“I have you.”

“Shut up !”

“Really ?”

“Not again.”

SOMETHING.

2012-01-11T19:56:00.000+05:30

There is something in mourning a loved one.
There is something in noticing that the world is not same anymore.
There is something in walking bare-feet on the Grand Road.
There is something in gazing at those two lotus eyes intently.
There is something in letting your loved one go.
There is something in losing all you have in one go and not weeping at all.
There is something in future that keeps me alive today.

THE SHADE OF OUR LIVES

2012-01-01T00:00:00.001+05:30

It was 26^th December 2004. I remember watching the horrendous tsunami videos on television. And your silent sighs. Exactly seven years later, a tsunami rose in our lives. When the tides retreated, we saw no more of you. We knew you were mortal but your departure shocked us.

The last time I saw you, you were reclining peacefully on the divan. Just like a baby. And that was almost six months ago. Maybe it was supposed to be etched in my memory – your image – calm and gentle.

I remember the flicker of your smile. It lighted up your face. Those expressions are ingrained in my mind. Did you know you never aged in these two decades that I saw you ? I guess you did. I remember your favourite dishes. Your occasional jokes and interesting banters. Your aversion to starched white clothes. Your knack for correct grammar.The mango trees. The brinjal plants. Your book ( I guess I have to find it out now).

You are missed a lot Grandpa.

CHRISTMAS CONVERSATIONS

2011-12-25T00:00:00.001+05:30

Getting hurt is easy.

Healing is tough.

"That suits you,right ?"

"No. To get hurt and then heal and try again and again .... That suits me."

"I wonder how I fell for you."

"I love the fact that you fell for me. And trust me, I don't hurt, I just heal."

A NOTE.UNANSWERED.

2011-12-11T00:00:00.004+05:30

Dear You,

It has been long since we met. I lost those pink slippers you had gifted me . I could not find more of them. Get me those when you come.

Did I say I missed you ? You were supposed to come over, right ? Did you forget ? Or changed your mind ? Or is it something else ?

I got your flowers on time. Come over as soon as you can. Bring some warm clothes as well. I guess its on the upper shelf of your wardrobe. And please don’t make a mess if you can’t find it.

I shall be waiting for you. Maybe we’ll plan something.

Yours,

Me.

THE ONLY ONE

2011-12-04T12:11:00.001+05:30

She always looked for inspiration.

Little did she know that she was his ONLY inspiration .....

77 FICTION : TEAR FILLED EYES

2011-11-27T00:00:00.002+05:30

The eyes searched someone. The one she could run to at times of need. In someone’s lap, she would pour out all her troubles.

Nobody came. She grew up, rimmed her eyes with kohl. But they could never hide her tears.

No one came when her soul was ripped apart. No one heard her cries. No one mourned her loss.

After a while, she thought that tears were a part of the eyes.

SHE AND HE

2011-11-20T00:00:00.000+05:30

He looked back. I did not.

"A cup of coffee ?"

"Some other time."

"Some other friend ?"

"Kind of."

"Good luck."

"I have it."

A few years ago, this was unthinkable. He was not a stranger then. She was not indifferent then. They both had hearts that beat with rapture. For each other. They had eyes for each other. And the like.

She lost something very precious. He thought of it. At first, he remained the same lover - full of love. With time, love gave way to sympathy. Then came the terrible moment. Of indifference, of hatred. She realized it and he went away. Not to be back for a long...really long time.

She bore her loss very well. It gave her a new direction of life. She loved being her. Even though she was bereft of her booty. Today he came back, expecting her to still love him. She did not.

A tall man came in front of her. She smiled and looked at him earnestly.

ANWE-ISM : TENET OF THE WEEK

2011-11-13T00:00:00.001+05:30

The best gifts are not the most expensive ones.

They are the most precious ones.

THE PERFECT STRANGER

2011-10-30T00:00:00.001+05:30

Last summer I fell in love with you.

Even though I never meant to.

Those looks I would never forget.

To me they mean the world.

Hopes and dreams pale from sight,

I yearn for you every passing moment.

Memories of that insane banter underneath the starlit sky.

Singing in those hoarse voices, scaring ourselves.

I remember your eyes doing the talking

Cutting across all barriers unknown.

Promises we never made, pure reckless affection.

A silent parting - sans promises, sans words.

You are the perfect stranger.

LAGNIAPPE

2011-10-23T00:00:00.004+05:30

Life is a gift.

I am in Kolkata these days. Yes, the City of Joy.

It has been a long hiatus from writing. Reasons are numerous ; none of them seem valid to me.

I am living my own life. On my own terms. I am a whiff of wind – once here, at another instance, somewhere else. No rules, no diktats. I’m a free bird.

Coming to Kolkata has been quite an experience. In a train, sweating most of the way, getting my way in the crowds at the station, breaking rules there, listening to people hurling abuses and not saying a word , getting the dreaded sprain again – in the same place, keeping a calm head, getting lost on the way to the guest house, living life king size, watching a government hospital function, noticing a cute medico ( LOLzzzz),queues for washroom, cafeteria and the like , riding a rick, sitting next to the auto driver, seeing real super- bitches emerge from their cocoons of goodness, waking up at 6 in the morning ( on a regular basis, mind you ! ) - You name it and I have it.

But its fun in its own way. I have made new friends. I meet the old ones often.Office is cool (Literally. The air-conditioner transports us straight to Antartica).

But its fun in its own way.

After all, didn't I say, life is a gift ?

P.S. : I miss home , my room and family.

THE NEW, THE OLD AND LIFE

2011-10-16T00:00:00.002+05:30

In a new city. New place. New people. New things to do.
Missing the old city. The known lanes. The loved ones. The memories.
Still.....a wish to go on. Newer cities, newer people, newer thoughts.
And the desire to go back from where it all started.

I shall go back to you,

No matter how far you are,

No matter how lost I am,

No matter how tired we are.

ANWE-ISM : A NEW FLAVOUR

2011-10-09T00:00:00.001+05:30

The love of a single person is enough to combat the hatred of the whole world.

TUM YAAD AA GAYE

2011-09-18T00:00:00.017+05:30

Yun tumse milkar aaj woh puraani baatein yaad aa gaye ,

Woh wafayein yaad gaye , woh deewane yaad aa gaye.

Shayad tumhe bissra diya thha, tumhare shabd yaad aa gaye,

Miley jo thhe kisi mehfil mein kabhi, woh taraane yaad aa gaye.

Bhuley nahin jo hum kabhi, woh nazraane aaj yaad aa gaye,

Bataye nahin jo kissey kabhi, woh afsaane yaad aa gaye.

Dekhe thhe jo khwab kabhi, woh bulandiyaan yaad aa gaye,

Ki nahin kabhi shikayat jinse, woh anjaane yaad aa gaye.

Gul jo murjhaaye thhe kabhi, woh bahaarein yaad aa gaye,

Dil k kisi koney mein sajaaye huye armaan aaj yaad aa gaye.

Tumhari woh muskurahat , woh giley shikwe yaad aa gaye,

Yun tumse milkar aaj woh beetey zamaane yaad aa gaye.

ANWE-ISM RE-INVENTED

2011-09-13T19:47:00.000+05:30

Cherished wishes are always fulfilled ;

Only their customisation is a surprise.

THE OTHER WOMAN

2011-09-04T00:00:00.010+05:30

On mornings like this,

When gentle streaks of light

Play hide and seek with darkness,

I crave to hold you real tight.

And never let you go.

In a spur, I abandon my hesitation,

Cross the space between us.

You often take cue and recoil,

Just like my true lovesick man.

Slowly our tale begins and then

I hear you whisper a name

With passion and trepidation.

I pause , I listen.

It isn’t mine, someone else’s.

Fantasy shatters, heartache entails.

On waking up, you forget all.

I act like I know nothing at all.

Pic Courtesy : Google

THE FORSAKEN MAD MAN

2011-08-28T00:00:00.004+05:30

On the streets of the old bazaar, there sat a man in rags. Every time I passed by , he smiled and looked away. Neither was he handsome nor was he wealthy. Still I thought about him. Why would anyone wait on streets for years together ? I had seen him there since I was a kid.

An autumn morning , I heard he passed away. On the street. No one heard his dying words. No one offered him gangajal or tulsi. He died unmourned , un-noticed. The bazaar still smelt of spices and perfume.

Years later, I heard his story. From an antique woman. In his prime, the man was a successful merchant. He had a comfortable home and a lovely wife. One morning, his wife was on her way to the temple on the hillock. A raging earthquake hit the city and razed the hillock to ground. The lovely wife was lost, never to be found. May be she had died , buried under the rubble.

The merchant never lost hope. Gradually he began to live on the street, hoping that his lovely wife would return. Gradually, he lost his wealth. With age, he lost his health. He lost his mind. The society abandoned him. They called him mad.

But his love for his wife never abandoned him.

This forsaken madman was the epitome of ever-lasting undying love.Whenever I pass by the street where he sat, I smile at it. And then walk away.

THE WORDLESS PARAMOUR - PART 2

2011-08-21T00:00:00.003+05:30

Read Part 1 here

He woke up with a nightmare. She was fast asleep. He gazed at her – she had a tranquil look in sleep. He moved forward , remembered something and took her palm in his hands. Softly , so as not to awaken her, he traced his name on her palm with his fingers. A cherubic smile spread across her face. That set him thinking. Why hadn’t he known it much before ? She had to be the one.

Nothing could happen , he believed. He was already engaged. To someone else. She wasn’t the woman who could break a home. Then how on earth are they together ? He wondered. He fell in love with her. Unbelievably. When ? Was it when she stood on the sands and said “ I do not believe in soul mates ” ? Or was it when he had spoken his mind to her ? Told her that she deserved better people in her life. Or was it at that precise moment when they discovered that their mothers were best friends ever ? Or was it when they realized they had met before – in infancy ?

Maybe it was none of it. Or maybe it was all of it. He realized that he had been chasing ambitions till then. The perfect girl , the perfect career , the perfect house – was all great but something was amiss. He came back to her. Abandoning every trophy he had.

She had a choice too – of leaving or taking him. He had nothing to offer her except himself. They could never be “perfect” together. Perfection had bored both of them.

She was with him, not because he loved her ; but because she loved him.

THE WORDLESS PARAMOUR

2011-08-14T00:00:00.008+05:30

She stood in front of him , without uttering a word. He is here. Her mind refused to register this simple fact. He cannot be here. He was supposed to be gone . Forever. To another land. With another woman.

He preferred silence. He could not bring himself to speak. He had dumped his fiancée. Given up his mercenary dreams. He felt it was necessary to stay back. With her . For her. Forever.

Neither of them said anything. They were reading each others’ minds. Trying to decipher silences. Suddenly the lights went out. A storm grew out of nowhere. She gave him way to come in. He rushed in with urgency. She went to fetch a candle. He hastily shut the windows to prevent the rains from lashing into the house .

After she came back , he said , " Did you have your dinner yet ? " She replied , concealing a smile, " Now that you are here , why don’t you join me in ? " He quietly followed her into the kitchen , knowing that things were right – just as they were supposed to be.

A TIME CALLED NOW

2011-08-07T00:00:00.008+05:30

Did you say you love me ?

I’m glad you did. But …. I always have questions.

I have more questions than love for you. Yes, I am skeptic. Of love in general.

Will you love me if I do not love you back ? Will you wish me well if I choose to walk out your life ? Will you love me if I treat you badly ? I have more faults than anyone else you know. What made you “love” me was the good side of me. I have a bad side too. You might have a glimpse of it. Would you still love me ?

I am not some princess or some fairy. I am very much ordinary. With my share of vices , faults and mistakes .

If you still love me, let me know. I would like to meet you. At a time called now.

TEN FACTS ABOUT BEING A GIRL IN A T-SCHOOL

2011-07-31T00:00:00.002+05:30

Every boy in your class ( in some cases, every boy in the college ) knows your name. Even though you are not "their types".
If you are a steal ( in the literal sense ) , you might have been requested for "being more than friends" multiple number of times. At times, the same guy requests you many times. Not his fault though.
If the request in [2] is accepted, the girl always has the upper hand. When that lowers down, you can always break up. Requests are like buses ( cliched but true ... mostly ).
You cannot decide on a mass-bunk on your own. Support from the Martians is ALWAYS needed.
Your assignments WILL be copied / photocopied / circulated throughout the class , especially on the night before the submission date. Even if you have copied it from someone else.
You can be loved or be hated ( rarely ) but certainly NOT ignored.
Teachers won't suspect you at first for any foul play.
In mechanical workshops ( i.e. , if you have 1/2/3/4 guys in your group ) , you don't have to do much. Just stand and stare - not at the guys / instructor but at the workbench. But if you are in a girls-only group, be prepared to sweat your brows.
You have to sit in the first four benches of the class during lectures ( unless you are REALLY that cool ).
You are noticed. No matter how geeky, boring or disinterested you are.

P.S. : This is not meant to offend anyone. Take it with a spoonful of humour. Have fun.

Pic Courtesy : Google

KISI DIN.....

2011-07-24T00:00:00.017+05:30

Kisi din meri kavitaayein
Bhi tumhe rulaayengi,
Tumhe yaad dilaayengi
Tumne mujhmein kya khoya.
Kya payaa woh tum jaano
Par humein yun hi kho diya...

Kisi din tum bhi mujhe
Aasmaano mein dhoondte huye
Bhatak jaoge hawaon mein.
Kho kar bhi humein naa paoge,
Kyunki hum toh honge
Kisi aur vriksh ki chaaon mein.

SOMETHING LASTS FOREVER

2011-07-17T00:00:00.004+05:30

It was not to be. But it has been.

I wasn't supposed to like all this. But I do.

You weren't supposed to be that close. But you are.

We were supposed to never meet. But we did.

Things were not meant to be clear. But they are.

We weren't meant to be. But we are.

Life wasn't supposed to be this generous. But it is.

Love was supposed to die. But it didn't.

We meant to hate each other. But we couldn't.

Pic Courtesy : Google

JIVANN

2011-07-10T00:00:00.000+05:30

Na sukh, na dukh,
Na mitr, na shatru,
Main keval chalaa karta hoon
Jivann ki raah par.

Na satya, na bhram,
Na janm, na moksh,
Main keval socha karta hoon
Jivann ki abhilasha par.

Na prem, na dwesh,
Na asha, na niraasha,
Main keval dekhaa karta hoon
Jivann ki vibhinn roopon ko.

THE ABANDONED LETTER

2011-07-03T00:00:00.005+05:30

Dear You,

Writing to you calms me. I love you for that. I love you otherwise too. Maybe I'll never be able to tell you how much I love you.

Everything is fine. Not the sort of fine when you were here but nevertheless.......fine. As usual, Emmy's dentist asked her to give up sugar candies. She's not going to give them up anyways. She asks for you. I guess she wants to consult you about it. My optician said that it was time I use glasses. Finally ! Remember how I used to rue the fact that I didn't have glasses. You always said it was good. To look into my eyes directly. Ah ! Those were the days.

I have not heard from you since long. Talk to me soon. Okay.... I'm inviting myself to your place. Emmy can stay with my mom, for a change.

With love,

Me.

P.S. : I'm posting this from the same mailbox where we first met. By Jove, that street has awful traffic. People get killed.

OF LOVE, AMORE AND ROMANCE : A LOVE LETTER

2011-06-26T00:00:00.016+05:30

We had innumerable chance meetings ever since I was born. And always you made an impression. Of being the best I had ever seen. Some seven years ago, when I first came to live with you, it was quite an incident. Moving ( or even uprooting ) myself from a well-settled hometown life, I wanted to take a chance. With you. I wanted to grow with you. You were older and wiser. I was young, nubile and naïve. Wisdom is certainly not expected of normal teenagers. And me – someone who had dreams, ambitions, expectations, aspirations – a tad bit higher. Our first few days – adjustments, awesomeness and sometimes, utter helplessness – it all sounds so hilarious today. Then we kind of a liked each other. You began to grow on me. I had made tiny impressions on you. I ran alongwith you. I thought I could beat you. You weren’t the ultimate ( you still aren’t the one ) but a de tour , maybe for a couple of years.

You had other plans. Certainly. After the initial euphoria, came the steep learning curve. Things happened really fast and both of us grappled with the reality. A few of my dreams lost life. A few others emerged strongly. I still had my ambition and pride intact, in place. And we began to grow up. Inseparably. Though I never succumbed to your charms. I just let you know that I was ready to live with you for a while. Time flew and I gained experiences, changed a little bit. Not for you , for myself. I saw friendships – both old and new – blossom , flower and finally wither. I tasted it all . I had one passionate desire and you were my ladder. But even the most passionate plans have flaws. Mine too had its share of flaws. All wasn’t rosy. There were arguments, confrontations and compromises. A whole gamut of emotions. We saw through it all. Of course, it does not matter. Whatever happened, happened because it had to. Life has no options – except for death and I had crossed it out. I love(d) life.

The couple of years passed. I gave myself another chance – I gave you another chance – or precisely, we gave each other another chance. With a lot less frills this time. I was learning being pragmatic – from you. Nothing quite spectacular happened. I knew we had some more time together. We needed each other. To heal. To understand each other. To re-invent our relationship. Things happened – not exactly nice – but without them life wouldn’t have been the same. Grief either kills or strengthens. I’m alive, so I guess I became stronger. The last four years with you – I was glad I knew you earlier than the others. I dreamt of someone else but I realized you weren’t that bad. We had a tangy rapport. I appreciate your generosity. You accepted me when fate shunned me. You showed me the path of redemption. The path of life.

At fifteen I thought it was important to win. I did not know how to handle victory. Nor did I know how to learn from its poorer cousin – defeat. You taught me all that. Today, at twenty two, I know I can win, lose and again win back. The cycle goes on, making life enchanting, memorable and lovely.

Speaking of love, I think I love you. I’ll miss you. Maybe I’ll miss you badly. I don’t know when I’m leaving. I don’t know where I’m headed to. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. I don’t know if I’ll come back to you. Uncertainties exist. But we’ll smile. Because its all we can do.

Enclosed, a (parting) kiss – to stop your tears.

P.S. : This is an open love letter to the city I grew up admiring and loving.For you - my darling, dearest Bhubaneswar !

Picture Courtesy : Google

77 FICTION : A GIFT CALLED LIFE

2011-06-19T00:00:00.011+05:30

She woke up. He was not in bed.The sheets were crumpled though.She could hear some noise from the kitchen.

As she got into her slippers, she remembered the last night.They read the book together and then laughed about it.He was all she thought of since the last three years.

He was natural, very unpretentious.The gift of her life.

Giving a jolt to the thoughts, he greeted her loudly, “Good Morning Mumma !”

THE FINAL WISH

2011-06-12T00:00:00.002+05:30

No mourning or wails.

No flowers or tears.

No fancy coffin or pyre.

No lovers or foes.

No prayers to be said.

No reverence please.

I am just a corpse –

Nothing to give or take,

No stories to tell

Or tales to share.

A wish to mingle in the air.

To reach I do not know where.

Just forget me,

As if I was never there.

A DAUGHTER'S LETTER

2011-06-05T00:00:00.002+05:30

Dear Baba,

I am sorry. For being a brute. For not understanding your state of mind. For threatening you. For everything that I have done.

Now I understand you weren't wrong to see her. You weren't wrong when you got over Maa. You weren't the worst father ever. You were the best.

I have wronged you as well as her. I was so cruel, insensitive and stubborn.

I have a long road to redemption. Hope you might forgive me. Someday.

I am sorry again.

Yours ,

Emmy.

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES

2011-05-29T00:00:00.014+05:30

The first time I actually noticed you was right after the wedding. Tall, lanky and fair. I heard you were intelligent too. A dream match – I was told. But I found you…genuinely interesting.

Yes, you are the best guy I have ever seen.

Remember how lost I was in the kitchen ? I knew nothing except scrambling eggs. You were gracious enough to cook for me. Offered me a glass of milk every night I sat down to study. I guess I succumbed to your charms from then on. Everything seemed to be your smile – the curve of your lips – I wished I could throw all my books and just trap your image in my eyes. But I couldn’t – Because you wanted me to be happy – and I was happy to study , even after I was a wife, a married girl. Being your wife made me the happiest girl ever. I still remember the pride in your eyes when you saw me in the graduation robe. Of all the years we have spent together, this particular moment remains evergreen in my mind. Your calm demeanour getting ruffled by your laughter. I’m holding that picture of us now – the one we took that day. Then you gifted me Emmy – the greatest that has happened to me – except you of course. Emmy is still a kid – even though she has two of her own now. Remember how she ran to you right after you came home after work ? She had various things to say – mostly how I bossed around her. I was so imperfect – but the stolen glances you threw at me – falling in love with you forever is the easiest thing on earth.

Emmy deeply misses you. A lot. You are a void that can never be filled. Ever. There cannot be another man like you. Ever. I miss you too. I miss the man who once took my hand and told me, in the most sincere voice, “Even if I’m away, I’m always with you.” You meant it and I believe you.

I badly want to see you now. Can I ?

I had to tell you something too. Just the usual.

Thanks for the memories.

Picture Courtesy : DeviantArt

THE RAINBOW

2011-05-22T00:00:00.012+05:30

“No ! Not in my terrace ! “

“ Yes Memsaahib. She’s there – three , too small , dark . “

“ Can you take them away ? “

“ The mother won’t allow anyone to come near them . Besides I’m getting late. “

Audacity at her very best.

“ Then do something to prevent them from moving . I don’t want them in my house. “

Of all people on earth , why me ? Yeah ! Go ahead , try me.

I am terribly scared of cats . Phobia . And this foolish mother cat had to start her crazy family on my terrace. On the top of it , Jatin was having fun at my expense.

“ Are you sure you’re okay with my Delhi trip ? “ , he smirked. He would be away – I have to handle the stray cats alone.

Bending over my dahlias , I replied “ Are you going to cancel the trip if I ask you to ? No ! you won’t . But you want to earn some brownie points. I can see through your plans Mr. Husband. “

“ In that case , no use trying, eh ? “ and he laughed like a zombie.

After driving Jatin to the airport , I came back home. Had to complete the work at hand in a few hours and set on another assignment. As I flopped on the couch , I heard sounds from the pantry. I rushed in and saw that big fat mother cat. My kitchen was in a mess. How the hell did she enter ? Anger was replaced by fear in a second. I shouted. Like I never had in years. Maybe she was as frightened as me. She jumped off the counter - spilling all that was there. Almost in my direction and I yelled louder. She went past me , jumped out through the open window and everything was still again. I opened my eyes . Gone. I made sure I had sealed all doors and windows before sleeping that night. Maybe I should ask the maid to sleep in the hall tomorrow onwards. The thought was discarded in a jiffy.

I never ventured into the terrace though.

The next morning , I sent the maid to the terrace to check if the cats were still there. She reported back that the mother was not there. One kitten had died.

“ Oh my God ! How ? “

“ They die. Just like that. Maybe it was weak. “

Weak.

The more I thought about the “weak” kitten , the more I began empathizing with the mother cat. Maybe she wanted some food for her weak baby. I should not have scared her. I should not have …….

I sent milk for the other two kittens , again through the maid. I was less scared and more ashamed this time though.

In two days , one of the surviving kittens vanished. It was nowhere to be found. My maid told me that possibly, an eagle scooped it.

I did not know why the death of those cats caused such a tumult in my chest ….. I knew the answer after a little bit of thinking though.

The mother almost abandoned the last of her kids. I never saw her after that mad encounter in my kitchen.

So there was just one frail kitten on my terrace. I went up there. It was barely breathing. Smaller than a squirrel. Pity outscored fear. I gave it water and then milk. It looked full. It was walking – just like a toddler . I smiled and came back to the house.

I never liked the idea of pets. But this kitten ! It needed help. A strange kind of a happiness enveloped me.

Jatin came back soon after. I told him about the kittens. He was kind of a surprised .

“ At least you’ll get over your crazy fear” , he said. This time I joined him too.

The next morning I awoke before sunrise. Just as the sun rose , I went up – to the terrace. May be its sleeping, I thought. I came back home. Jatin and I came up a little later in the morning. It was still sleeping . Little did we know that it was gone. Ants had set their path through its skin.

*****

“ Why us ? “ I wept as Jatin tried to console me.

“ No. It happens. All will be okay. “

He added “ Someday. Someday honey …. “.

That gave me hope.

Someday. Once again. For good. A tiny pair of feet. To grace our lives.

Afterword : My blog completes three years on 26th May 2011. I have loved, cherished being here. And I'll be here in future. Amen ! Thanks to my readers - old and new - who have cared to be a part of "My Life and Times".

A GULMOHAR STORY

2011-05-16T00:00:00.001+05:30

I have stayed in government accommodations ( read : government quarters ) for more than half of my life. And there are always Gulmohar trees around them.

Come summer, their dazzling colours enamour, enchant and invite you. The other months of the year – they are just there. Deep green. Silent. Overlooking. At times majestic.

.As a child I was fascinated by its buds. The sepals – beautiful green on the outside , glimmering magenta inside – very much like a woman. Calm demeanour on the exterior and a seething volcano inside. I used to put those utterly smooth things on my nails – like claws. At times, I still do that. The bud opens….carrying a bounty within it Waging battles with its pollen tubes fascinate me.

At the peak of summers, these brightran oge flowers fall and the bloom is just everywhere ….. a feast for the senses. The fruits disappoint me though. Green pods eventually turning dark . But I tend to ignore them. I love to walk on paths where these wonderful flowers fall, just after a sudden downpour.

My school had a large, ancient Gulmohar tree. We used to play around it while we were in primary classes. It was the centre-stage of our crazy games , mass drills, parades, passionate fights and a host of other activities. It fell prey to a terrible storm that shook all the vegetation in the campus. The Gulmohar didn’t die immediately. In a couple of years , it withered. Then turned into a stump. With time, it lost its existence.

Today I often refer the place as “where there was the Gulmohar” – still clenching to the memory of a tree where many of my most pleasant memories were made.

THINGS I WILL MISS AFTER COLLEGE

2011-05-08T00:00:00.001+05:30

Being on time for college bus
Waiting at the bus stop ( Bus time varies from 9:05 am to 9:25 am )
Teasing A at the bus-stop ( I'm gonna miss the time spent with her in campus too :( )
Reading newspaper/ lab records/ class notes frantically in the bus
Waiting for 15 minutes at traffic signals while on the bus
Arriving at the campus 30 minutes before classes ( Yeah, go ahead and say I don't have a life :P )
Getting into the Central Library for issue/ re-issue/ return of books that I never read :D :P
Whiling away time in the digital library ( I do not go there to research, I go there for AC environment ) :D
Roaming through racks of books in the library/reference section
Reading "Midnight's Children" , " Discovery of India" , etc when there is a test in the next hour
Reaching the class sharp at 10 am
Being the only one in class ( very often ) when the teacher enters
Branded as "nerdy villain" due to the above [12]
Seeming to pay attention while listening nothing at all
Sleeping in class with eyes wide open
Throwing questions at the teacher while still in sleep
Waiting for the class to get over asap
Scribbling notes along with so many other thoughts
Writing poems on the last page of the notebook
Attending 4 classes at a stretch and secretly cursing the last lecturer
Cursing anyone who asks "doubts"
Getting shocked at the announcement of assignment submission dates/test deadlines
Making a beeline at "Book Island" for "xerox"
Listening to "Aye Janicha ? ", "Hey Bhagooo !"
Madhu Babu jokes :D :P :D
Sitting next to the greats - DJ, KTB and P2
Watching A,A and S- the first benchers - all 3 of them are madly scribbling EVERY word out of the lecturer's mouth
Carrying an almost tattered red-black bag to class ( Its my lucky bag :P )
Girly gossips :D :P
Receiving exam/assignment notification/solution on Facebook
Attending "surprise quiz tests"
Completing assignments JIT
Food @ Monginis'
Canteen ka veg chowmein , dosa , meals ( yuck !)
Throwing money at Food Court, Flavours
Talking about hometown while waiting for turn to take THE grand viva.
Having no clue about study stuff yet nodding in affirmation confidently
Meeting project mentor ( Pain in the...you know where :| )
Panic calls when exam dates are out
Answering juniors' queries like " Where are you placed ? " , "What's your CGPA ? " ( Our juniors are one of their kind )
Fumbling while answering questions asked by 3rd years on polar plot, Nyquist plot and such stuff
Visiting Prof's chamber aka "matchstick box-rooms"
Spending sleepless nights when your subjects,records,assignments, project - everything is half-done
Staring at lab apparatus as if they were some UFO
Getting frustrated when the "straight line graph" turns out to be a "curve"
Hitting the lab instruments out of sheer anger
Completing records, graphs, etc during submission period
Wondering whether the stator or rotor is located on the outer surface of the motor ( 1st sem labs :P )
Giving path-breaking theory ( read : Bluffmaster's Special ) while appearing a viva- exam
Waiting for programs to be shared on common folder before the lab class is over
Having laughter sessions during 3 hour long lab sessions
Discussing about "What happens @ IIT/ NIT ? " when we are still at ITER :P
Giving presentation / seminar without any clue about the whys/hows/ifs/buts.
Sleeping in the semi-dark seminar hall while the session goes full-on
Clapping wildly for your friend when (s)he talks absolute crap
Splurging hundreds of currency notes @ Arya World 2 to make "attractive" seminar reports
Mimic-ing all the teachers - the good, the bad and the ugly
Calling every teaching element as "Mastra" ( and naming them for life. Same applies to some not-so-friendly classmates . Don't mind, we have fun that way :D ).
Asking DJ for a sip from her water bottle
On certain blue moons, coming to the class at 10:35 am and still getting an entry :D :D
Classes getting cancelled :bliss:
Strikes : argh !!! :
Taking part in Tech-fest and losing every competition ( I believe in "Participation matters ! " ) Whatever !
Frantically searching for a "crush-free salwar-kameez-dupatta set " every morning.
Getting awesome compliments from random people "You've great, straight hair".
Chatting with your pals in class,during breaks, on gtalk ( till midnight )
" We've talked about that hero that year" - saying this to your closest classmates.
Playing "Name-Place-Animal-Thing"/Dumb charades in DSP classes sitting in the front row.
Learning at least one subject every semester in a day ( That day is invariably the night before the exam ).
Managing to listen to the teacher even though the whole class shouts/ plays music.
Getting branded as "the most indisciplined branch" by the entire faculty - cutting across departments
Dreading Environmental Engineering classes.
Completing the last module of every subject in 1-3 hours.
Wondering why I got a D/P grade when I had aced that paper.
Wondering who on earth gave you an "Excellent" grade when you just expected to pass in that paper.
Rudely awakened from an afternoon nap in June with a call "Even sem results out !"
A great January evening spoilt by an announcement "Odd sem results out !"
Pass lists an hour before actual results :P
Not getting placed in any biggie :|
Getting placed in TCS with 402 other people
Wondering if you would have fared worse in that entrance exam and taken up Mechanical Engineering instead, at least you could sit for 2/3/4 companies of your domain :P :D
Abusing teachers on Facebook : therapeutic :
Finding your lecturers on Orkut :D :P
Getting shocked when you have attendance shortage and its on public domain :O :O
Getting a secret pleasure when a teacher walks out of the class - after blasting the whole class on discipline
The same teacher in [85] entering the class with a smile the very next day.
Meeting classmates at some random competitive exam and jabbering away all the time.
Talking to your single girl pals about the dearth of "boyfriend material guys" in campus vicinity.
Teasing non-single souls about their better halves.
Drooling over "that HR" whose company didn't offer you a job :blush blush :
Waiting till 12 midnight without food/ water/roof/ warm clothes ( in December) to get the news "You're placed !"
Attending a company's campus selection process very well knowing that you would never join it :P ( Crazy-ness personified )
Coming home after spending a night at girls' hostel ( I'm a day scholar ).
Eating Maggi from a plate shared by 6 other girls ( I remember the warm feeling that night. )
Listening to Mamma saying " Don't you have to study during B.Tech ? "
Going to college and coming back with your cute lil' sis ( almost everyday ).
Going to college, having one class and blowing away rest of the classes due to arbit reasons or no reasons at all.
Seeing a junior faculty being rebuked/slighted by a senior faculty :P ( Awesome-ness :D )
Surprising most classmates by attending a DJ night at the end of 4 years ( Slipping away before the dance starts though - Cinderella style - Sadly no princes are involved :P )
Making lists like this a day before the last/final end-sems.

I have loved flowers that fade - Robert Bridges

2011-05-01T00:00:00.001+05:30

I have loved flowers that fade,
Within whose magic tents
Rich hues have marriage made
With sweet unmemoried scents:
A honeymoon delight,
A joy of love at sight,
That ages in an hour
My song be like a flower !

I have loved airs that die
Before their charm is writ
Along a liquid sky
Trembling to welcome it.
Notes, that with pulse of fire
Proclaim the spirit's desire,

Then die, and are nowhere
My song be like an air !

Die, song, die like a breath,
And wither as a bloom ;
Fear not a flowery death,
Dread not an airy tomb !
Fly with delight, fly hence !
'Twas thine love's tender sense
To feast; now on thy bier
Beauty shall shed a tear.

SONG OF THE WINDS

2011-04-24T00:00:00.000+05:30

Amidst all clatter

I hear a song.

Of the winds.

Wild, loose notes striking deep.

No words or voices clear -

Still a song

Mellifluous ,enchanting.

A song that runs into emptiness,

filling it with melody.

The song of the winds.

ANWE-ISM V6

2011-04-17T00:00:00.000+05:30

One can either be ordinary **or extraordinary.**

**The problem with most people is they want to be both.**

A LETTER TO FAIRYLAND

2011-04-10T00:00:00.001+05:30

Dear Mamma,

Where did you go ?

Papa says you went to fairyland to bring me those white wings. Did you get them ?
Are they too hard to find ? Can't you come soon ? I miss you.

Papa too misses you. He tells me stories of lions and flowers.
He says you will be back when I finish my cup of milk. I drink it and then wait for you.
But you do not come back. I cry.

Sometimes Papa cries too. He hides his tears. He misses you too.

Come back Mamma....I don't need those white wings....I need you to be here. Papa wants you.

Your loving daughter,
Emmy.

SHE AND HE

2011-04-05T00:00:00.001+05:30

She : Do you know why I never drink ?

He : You are on a perennial high.

She(shocked) : Are you a thought reader ?

He (looking into her eyes) : For you, I am all.

YOU.....

2011-03-28T00:00:00.004+05:30

Bidding you a goodbye was never too tough,

I shall always carry your memories with me.

MEMORIES AND YOU

2011-03-21T00:00:00.001+05:30

Maybe someday I will miss you,

For now I would like to bid you adieu.

****

You were great in the memories of my past,

There is no place for you in my present.

****

When you left, I thought it was the end.

Later I realised ,it was a new beginning.

****

Some memories are not just memories -

They give us moments of sunshine amidst darkness.

****

I wished I had understood -

But then I would not have learnt.

****

I WOULD LOVE IT

2011-03-14T00:00:00.004+05:30

I always wanted to walk on clear paths.

But if I get lost with you in the alleys,

I would love it.

I always wanted to be the richest person.

But if I am in rags with you by my side,

I would love it.

I always wanted to live a long life.

But if I ever die in your arms,

I would love it.

CHIMERA

2011-03-07T00:00:00.002+05:30

“Madam, Mr. Salil Verma died last night.”

“Any major complications regarding any issue ?”

“No Madam. Will you be there at the funeral ?”

“No.”

********

“Mamma, Jeet is a nice guy.”

“You need a lot of time to decide that. Not now.”

“Mamma…..”

“No more discussion. You are getting late. You are supposed to assist me in the multiple fibrosis case.”

“Mamma…you know what ? You are making a mistake. I can take my decisions now. Just because you weren’t happy with your marriage……… “

“ You can slap me but cannot change my mind. Dr. Rekha Mistry – mark my words.”

********
“Rekha, I think we don’t need this.”

“ Salil, are you out of your mind ?”

“Rekha, it’s a girl.”

“You did an amniocenetesis ? Do you realize what have you done ? ”

“C’mon Rekha, its ours. I wanted to know. My parents wanted to know. And I don’t think they will be happy with a ……”

*********************

“Baba, how is my child ?”

“She survived. My girl is a fighter.”

“Don’t cry Rekha. She is your daughter. You have to be her mother and her father as well.”

“Baba, you always told me education is my greatest weapon. I have a degree. I am a gyneac . Yet I feel so defeated. ”

“Never say that my child ! Your education will stand in your stead now. You were emotional while you took your decision. Sadly the world does not run on emotions. But don’t worry, you have not lost anything…..”

“Except an illusion…..Baba, I mistook Salil for the man I dreamt of.”

*******************

My dear Richa,

……………….. I think you know all that you needed to . I leave it all to you to decide. I am with you. But please ensure first that Jeet is not like the man I fell in love with and married.

Not Dr. Rekha Mistry

But

Your loving Mamma.

***********************

“Jeet, I guess I need some more time.”

~~~~

P.S. : Wishing the female readers a happy International Womens' Day (March 8).

P.P.S. : This post is a fictionalised account of a real incident . Its about Dr. Mitu Khurana, a Delhi based pediatrician. She is the first woman to have filed a case under the PC-PNDT act against her husband and in laws. She also filed a case against a Delhi based hospital and the doctor who did an ultra sound on her to determine the sex of her twins fetuses. Mitu’s in-laws who wanted her to undergo an abortion tortured, her. She endured the abuse and harassment. She gave premature birth to twin girls. Her ordeal didn't end there. Mitu's attempts over 3 years to get her husband to accept the girls failed. Instead, she was thrown out of the house, so that her husband could marry again. Mitu is now trying to fight the case under the PCPNDT Act that clearly states that hospital and doctors should neither conduct sex determination tests nor disclose the sex of the fetuses.

ANWE-ISM 4.0

2011-02-28T00:00:00.000+05:30

It does not take much to fall in love ;

It takes a lot not to fall out of it.

PAIN

2011-02-21T00:00:00.002+05:30

You have hardened me so much that

I have forgotten what joy is ....

A NOTE

2011-02-14T00:00:00.004+05:30

We met, didn’t we ? So what if it was after ages. You looked almost like a thorough gentleman. That was least expected. Anyways, glad to see that you’ve changed for the good. Glasses look good on you..wait, you look good in glasses. As for me, you know…. I’m the same clumsy little girl…now no more little. Haha. Yeah. I still laugh in between conversations. And I still struggle while beating eggs. But do you realize the time that has flown by ?

I freelance these days . Yes, as you often said “the free bird.” Home is pretty okay, same furniture, same furnishing, same books….Our mango tree died. Last winter. I cried a lot. Now I don’t miss it a lot. Got used to. Same way as I …….. Anyways, I can always write reams about my hardships and suffering. They should not make sense to you now. Do they ? I don’t know…..

Meanwhile, let me tell you… Emmy is sweet. She resembles her. I wish she were here. With you. She was fun to be with. For the short time she met me, I thought you were lucky to have her. I know that her picture is in your wallet these days. By the way, does your wallet have any money ? Just kidding… I know you’re rich enough.

Are you wondering why I’m writing this ? Its Monday. I thought why not revive the old tradition ? Different intentions this time though. So will you reply ? If you do, send it through Emmy.

P.S. : Sending an old picture of yours. I found it only yesterday. Miraculous, isn’t it ? Keep it for old times' sake.

P.P.S. : Shall I send over some pineapple marmalade I made ?

THIS THING CALLED ANGER....

2011-02-06T00:00:00.000+05:30

As a 10 year old, I was the “angry young girl”. I could get very angry and the trail of destruction that followed….. my erstwhile classmates loathed me for it. Otherwise I was pretty awesome :grins:

A decade later things are not quite the same. Yes, I do get angry at times but the pattern has changed. Very few people can make me angry. I have a set of unwritten rules which when violated drive me crazily angry. ( I can smile genuinely when a stranger or not-so-known person criticizes me for the wrong reasons. Apparently, when I think so). And they always happen to be my closest pals. It takes me a long time to build up anguish. At an optimal point, I burst out at the slightest of provocation from the same person. I might not shout, yet I know silence is the greatest killer. Usually it takes me long to cool down. Sometimes I hold grudges for a long time. I find it tough to let it go. The ones I fall out with rarely find their way back into my good books. I never regret their loss. I’m better off without them.

Maybe some years later I’ll learn that art too. To let go. To forgive and forget. Till then, the world has to bear with the “angry young girl”.

P.S. : This post is not to glorify my anger management policies. It is just about how I deal with anger.

YOU....

2011-01-30T00:00:00.000+05:30

Falling for you was tough.

~~Unloving you is impossible~~.

YOU.....

2011-01-23T00:00:00.002+05:30

It was fate that I lost you.

But was it really necessary to do away with your memories as well ?

A FEW SUMMERS AGO......

2011-01-15T00:00:00.003+05:30

I do not remember exactly when I thought I fell for you.

Maybe a few summers ago. All in a flash of a second.

You seemed so fresh and alluring. I was foolishly young – nubile. Liable to be trapped.

And we met for a brief while.

I thought you are the answer to my prayers. My longings were for you.

You chose to entice me – I never minded it. It gave me a tingling sensation, a hope that we were meant to be one. Silken dreams. Our encounters teased me. I wanted more of you. You managed to floor me sans any weapon.

Gradually I realized I was not alone. Several others vied you, tried to woo you. I burnt with jealousy. You seemed to love everyone alike. You knew no one too closely. But you ignored none.

Two summers passed. My tryst with you continued. Everyone around us thought we were together. Only we knew we weren’t. I decided to spend another summer with you. This was unexpected. Most of your admirers had left. They were tired. A new set of people came. The stage was set. I wanted to win you over. Anyhow. You were my greatest desire.

But you thought otherwise. You had something else in mind. I was not “all” for you. You thought of someone else. It was painful. I cried. But could not do anything. I had to let you go. To your dreamland. Our worlds were different now.

Something within me snapped. I knew what it was. A broken heart. That was numb. Without you, I felt it was all gone. Never to come back again. It was then when he came along. Not as handsome as you. Or maybe I never noticed him. He had a gleam though. It made no difference to me if I was alone or with someone – I had lost you. I had forgotten to smile.

One rainy night, he came to me. I shrugged him off, told him all about you. Do you know what he did ? He told me “ I know. I know it all. You may not be mine but I am all yours. Forever.” I discarded it as cheap talk.

I got hurt one day. He took almost all of my pain. And never complained . I thought he was trying to win me over. Just like I did to you…a few summers ago.

Three summers passed. I had begun to forget you, I had learnt to enjoy little things of life. Sometimes people asked me about you. I told them “Maybe he was never mine.” But you still hurt me. He loved me. Madly. Truly. Deeply. With all his might. He had hope of winning over me someday.

I lost some of my resistance to him. We became friends. And then we started becoming more than friends. And you know what happens thereafter. I needn’t tell you.

Today I feel very happy. Kind of a liberated. Free from a strange bond. Maybe coz its summer again. But you are not in my heart today. He has it all.

Yes, I am happy. After telling you this, I feel I’ve thrown the last bit of “you” in me. He is my world now.

We will live together. And love each other.

I bear you no malice. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have known him.

I wouldn’t have met him a few summers ago.

FICTION SERIES : HE AND SHE

2011-01-08T00:00:00.001+05:30

She : What do you like the most about me ?
He : The speed at which you slurp your icecream bowl, your anxiety while running errands, your nervousness when there is a lot to do and most of all, this wide eyed look which you are giving me right now.

Tohfa

2011-01-01T00:00:00.001+05:30

Tujhe dene ke liye

Abb kuch nahin mere paas...

Ek toota sa khaali dil

Aur kisiki wafaa ki aas...

Tujhe dene ke liye

Abb kuch bhi nahin mere paas...

Bas ek dukh ki pyaali

Aur khaalipan ka ehsaas...

Tujhe dene ke liye

Abb kuch nahin mere paas...

Bas teri aankhon mein

Apne aap ki talaash....

P.S. : My first "poem" in Hindi
Welcome 2011 !

WAITING FOR YOU

2010-12-26T00:00:00.000+05:30

Concealed by dark clouds

You keep shining.

Bright streaks of light

Dazzle me.

Enchant me.

And keep me waiting..

Waiting for you.

MY CONVERSATIONS WITH MYSELF

2010-12-19T00:00:00.001+05:30

The Utopia has vanished.
Reality emerges.Harsh,cruel and derogatory.
Love has lost. Evil triumphed.
The warrior lost the battle.
He had no armoury.
Just a dream - the dream of victory.
Mistook foes as friends.
Lost ambition in wine,lust and enjoyment.
The warrior is wounded. Deeply. In body and soul.
Death refuses to take him.
The nasty creature that he is.
Life and death, both, elude him.
To the world, he is a lost warrior.
In his heart, amidst all darkness, there is a little shimmer.
Of hope.
Of regaining the lost paradise.
The penance must begin.
Like a phoenix must the lost warrior rise.

YES, I AM A WOMAN

2010-12-12T00:00:00.001+05:30

Yes, I am a woman.

The one who was loathed at birth.

The one unloved in childhood.

The one who had to abide by rules.

The one who was not supposed to question norms.

The one who was taught to be blind, timid and shy.

The one who did all and had none.

The one who was a doormat.

The one who would never complain.

The one who could be handled like a puppet.

The one who could be stared at, touched inappropriately and used.

The one who was an object.

The one who died without mourning.

*********************************

I am a woman.

Free. On my own.

Yes, I am a woman.

I ONCE HAD A DREAM

2010-12-05T00:00:00.000+05:30

I once had a dream

Of happiness and joys

Of kisses and toys.

One fine morning

The bubble vanished

Ugly reality rose its head.

There lay my dream

Smashed, butchered.

Slaughtered heinously.

I walked over it.

Dragged by the moment.

Tearing me apart.

I gave a fake smile.

I had to move on,

Inspite of a dead soul .

A JOURNEY TO REMEMBER

2010-11-28T00:00:00.001+05:30

“First class ac. 4 tickets” .

“Waiting list.”

“Will get confirmed I guess ? "

“Oh sure ! This is the first time I get “waiting” in ac berths.”

XXXXXXXXX

“ Waiting. 17,18,19,20. No room. No seats.”

“Standing for 4 hours ! Okay, will manage.”

Four hours later…..

The family got ample space since most passengers left at this particular station.
“ Sir, I wrote “no room” on your tickets.”

“So ? "

“You show this tickets at your station. Say you have not travelled. They will refund you. 2000 in cash. My share 1000.I’ll take it outside the compartment.”

“ Ok. I get 2000. Give you 1000. Fine.”

“Yes !”

“ So I get 1000 bucks there. Wait ! Here are 4 tickets. Take them, get 2000 rupees from the Head Office there. Keep your share….Now I get my 1000. Here itself. "

“Surely you must be joking Sir ! "

“No, I am serious. Less trouble.”

Needless to say the transaction never happened. The TTE could never get a bribe. And the gentleman and his family roared with laughter at the last line of the conversation.

THE CYNIC SPEAKS

2010-11-21T00:00:00.004+05:30

Even if you sacrifice yourself,
place yourself on a gold platter
and offer yourself for common good,
someone would always complain -
"The platter is not clean."
Your sacrifice goes waste.
So never sacrifice.
Live.
Because you are not born to die.

A TALE OF LOVE AND NO LOVE

2010-11-14T00:00:00.002+05:30

Imprints of love they are

Deep and ruddy.

Peeping into my soul -

I find it untouched,

Unloved.

REMEMBER ?

2010-11-07T00:00:00.000+05:30

Remember our first date ? I walked to you in that lilac dress – with apprehension. You later told me that you fell for me then. I had noticed your jaw almost dropping but never mentioned it to you.

In one of our later dates, I caught you staring at that anorexic female with garish make-up. I was a fool then (Yes, I am a lot wiser now ). I tried to lose weight, use make-up. All proved futile. The next time we met you almost laughed at the sight of me. Visibly thinner, under inches of God-knows-what powdered on cheeks. Creepily lined eyes. After a few seconds, I realized you were laughing at me. I tried going away, crying. You stopped me. By that time, my eyes were streaming with tears. You looked straight into them and said “You do not need a mask . You’re beautiful.” I stopped crying. You hugged me.

There were times you needed me. For telling how badly your Dad thinks of you. How you miss your Mom. I just listened. And yet you told me it comforted you. To be with me. And then one day, out of the blue, you proposed me. With a ring. “Will you wear this ?” I walked away only to come back running, to you, knocking you down.

Remember the evening you took me to your place ? I met Philander. I wondered about you. How soft you were beneath that sinewy body ! Which guy on earth takes a three legged tom-cat as a pet ? And I was in bliss. Under the spell of your charm.

It was almost then when we decided to tie the knot. And we did. I so loved those times. Listening to you on those quiet nights, my name echoing in your peaceful breaths. At five in the morning , I would spring from bed ,giving you a jolt. Those little moments of intimacy . ( Remember how playful you were ? )

Remember how excited we were while expecting Rachael ? And that ill-fated walk ? Out of nowhere, a car rammed and killed all our dreams. We were still mourning when the doctor gave us the most dreadful news. I was shattered. I told you “ You deserve happiness. Leave me.” You came near , kissed my forehead and went away. I cried. A lot. And lost senses soon after. When I finally woke up, I saw you. With our bundle of joy. While feeding me a bowl of soup that day, you told me “I deserve happiness. And my happiness lies in you.” I smiled feebly.

( Our Rachael is growing up. You are a magnificent father.)

I was never perfect.

You made me feel so.

They say only the most lucky get their love.

I never knew I was this lucky.

ANWE-ISM 3.0

2010-10-31T00:00:00.001+05:30

God is a mathematician.

A CONFESSION

2010-10-24T00:00:00.001+05:30

Yes, I killed my husband.

To the world he was an awfully rich man.

To me he was a demon.

He tried to outrage my child’s modesty.

I could not do anything else then.

The kitchen knife was at hand.

Just four inches into his body and he was gone.

To me he was a habitual sexual offender, nothing else.

PERFECT LOVERS

2010-10-16T00:00:00.001+05:30

Never had someone loved so deeply as they.

They lived together.

Under a sacrilegious bond.

With children.

In bliss.

They aged gracefully.

Died in each others’ arms.

Yet, no mausoleum was erected or history written.

They were just two lovers -

Ordinary mortals.

But with divine blessing of loving and being loved.

Perfect lovers.

I CANNOT REMEMBER MY MOTHER ~ Rabindranath Tagore

2010-10-08T00:00:00.001+05:30

I cannot remember my mother,

only sometime in the midst of my play

a tune seems to hover over my playthings,

the tune of some song that she used to

hum while rocking my cradle.

I cannot remember my mother

but when in the early autumn morning

the smell of the shiuli flowers floats in the air,

the scent of the morning service in the

temple comes to me as the scent of my mother.

I cannot remember my mother

only when from bedroom window

I send my eyes into the blue of the distant sky,

I feel that the stillness of my mother's gaze on my face

has spread all over the sky.

~Rabindranath Tagore

Note : This was one of the earliest poems I read,loved and cherished.

TODAY

2010-10-01T00:00:00.003+05:30

The eyes which knew nothing

but love…

Are not on me today.

The lips that did nothing

but seal to mine..

Are wordless today.

The hands that did nothing

but caress with passion…

Are away today.

The heart that did nothing

but cherish me…

Is stone today.

The soul that was

entwined into mine…

Is in a different world today.

TWO THOUGHTS

2010-09-24T00:00:00.000+05:30

You always said ours was a relationship forever.

I slyly smiled each time.

I knew it was not.

You proved me right.

I have no regrets.

DO NOT STAND AT MY GRAVE AND WEEP - MARY FRYE

2010-09-16T00:00:00.002+05:30

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there. I do not die.

~ Mary Frye

THE EMPTY BENCH

2010-09-08T00:00:00.000+05:30

The bench awaits you. No, I have not seen anyone in your place.

I remember our days together. On that bench in the park.On cold mornings, after that walk, I would always throw up my hands in despair and occupy this particular bench. And you would slowly come to me. Sit close. Put your arm around my neck and start explaining. About random things. Coax me.

I never relented. You never gave up.

Slowly I would rest my head unto your shoulders. Put my hands around your waist as if nothing had happened. And drift into my land of dreams. Some mocking bird’s shrill voice would wake me up. I never knew how long I lived in my Utopia. And you…..would entwine your fingers with mine all the time. It felt perfect. Just perfect. I would smile. And your eyes twinkled.

A rainy morning, I sat there crying. My tears mingling with the rain. You spotted them. You were my shade, my armour. Once you wrote me a poem. And I rudely passed it off as a “fling”. I could see you were hurt. Very badly. The next day I told you “You are the most precious gift I ever had”. You smiled briefly. But you always cherished the imprints of my love on your face. Then you laughed. Took me in your arms. Again, it was perfect.

My imperfections never bothered you. It did me. I was anxious. Yes, I was contemplating. Of us breaking apart. No longer could we be perfect. You and I had to go separate ways. For good. And I asked you again. The ugliest favour. You fretted. Stomped about. You came up with your alternatives.

I never relented. You never gave up.

I’m not with you now. Maybe you’ll never forgive and forget me. I still haunt you. I don’t want to though.

This empty bench kills me. Tears me apart – into odd pieces.

And you…What would you do if you were in my place ? I wonder.

A Letter. Unsent.

2010-08-31T00:00:00.002+05:30

Dear You,

I would like to be the light of your life - the first thing you would see each morning. I'll be the balmy air, tickling you to laughter. The arms where you can loop in yours and be on the top of the world. The ears where you can pour all your sorrows. The eyes into which you can look into - deeply, for hours, without an end. The scent of your dreams. Your present and your future. I would like to hold your hand in ups and downs. Throughout. Cry with you. Sing for you. Always. Be yours till eternity.

Just a "Yes" will do.

Yours,

Me.

AN UNFINISHED PAINTING

2010-08-24T00:00:00.002+05:30

I thought they were perfect.

Strokes of happiness.

Tales of love forever.

But I was wrong….

They were half-done

When the brush slipped.

Never to be picked up again.

My artist was gone…

I never knew, where.

I wish I weren’t

An unfinished painting ,

A toy in the hands of a mortal….

SHE....

2010-08-16T00:00:00.004+05:30

That was her favourite spot.

She was just beginning to grow.

A blossom, waiting to unfurl.

A flower sans fragrance.

But nevertheless

Beautiful, cheerful.

Death cast its horrible hands ;

Robbed her of life.

A life that was yet to start..

She left behind

A trail of tears, sorrow.

And a mother mourning

Over her only “special” child.

P.S. : Influenced from a real life incident. Dedicated to the victims of congenital fatal diseases.

HE AND SHE : 77 FICTION

2010-08-08T00:00:00.004+05:30

He : You know what ? You were my biggest childhood crush .

She (smilingly) : Yes, I know. Infact I always knew. See you again tomorrow !

*After she goes away *

He ( to himself ,silently) : You still are …..a lot more than infactuation. I wish you had known this too.

She ( to herself , silently ) : I wish I were more than a crush….sigh !

ANWE-ISM 2.0

2010-08-01T00:00:00.003+05:30

When I was a child, I wished to travel till the ends of the world.

When I grew up, I realized the world has no ends.

THE VEIL

2010-07-25T00:00:00.002+05:30

My countenance spells doom.

That’s why I’m veiled.

But the world thinks otherwise.

Its not beauty that I conceal,

I try to hide the jinx in me ....

YES,I DO.

2010-07-18T00:00:00.002+05:30

Before you turn away

Let me tell you…

I smelt those flowers you brought

Before putting them in the vase.

I noticed the new look in your eyes

Long before you knew.

I saw the gift that you secretly bought

To surprise me…Its not lost…Its with me.

I heard you sigh when you thought

You had lost me.

I was apprehensive…about us…

You and I seemed not so right together..

But I was wrong….You are the one.

I wish I could speak….

Only to say

“Yes, I do.”

THE CURIOUS CASE OF HURMAN BAWEJA

2010-07-11T00:00:00.007+05:30

The Life and Times of Hurman Baweja ( Bollywood "actor") as explored by two buddies - purely for entertainment. Invalid for legal references.

me: not much

9:34 PM but i think he's an actor

unlike hurman baweja

hurman sucks :P

Jogeshwar: Harman baweja is a joke

just a joke

me: i wached WYR

Jogeshwar: but he is a nice person

me: he sucks terribly

9:35 PM u kno him ???????

Jogeshwar: priyanka ate him up in the movie

yes i do.. his cousin is my batchmate

me: yeah,actually PC was good in parts

really ?

Jogeshwar: yes

yes

me: female cusin?

Jogeshwar: No, male

9:36 PM me: :D

Jogeshwar: his name is Rietesh Bhatia

me: Fashion

i liked it

oh ! cool name :)

Jogeshwar: yes i liked fashion too

9:37 PM me: page 3 was good but fashion was better

Jogeshwar: yes i agree

Harman's mausi's son

me: oh oh !

VIT ?

Jogeshwar: the whole family was there during our convo

yes

Including Harman

9:38 PM me: really ?

jokin?

Jogeshwar: till then, he had not revealed that was harman's cousin

no, i am serious

me: oh oh oh

dats y he's floppin

Jogeshwar: But sadly, he wasn't mobbed by girls

me: bad 4 him :P

Jogeshwar: hee hee

me: ROFL

9:39 PM Jogeshwar: ya, but he is a good fellow, down to earth

me: u talked 2 him ?

Jogeshwar: yes, for a few minutes

me: hmmm.... :)

Jogeshwar: just basic intro.. i actually aid i was his fan.. aise hi

me: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Jogeshwar: he believed me and thanked me

9:40 PM me: JOKE OF THE DAY

LOL

poor chap !

Jogeshwar: yup

and i was too shy to post our pictures together

me: LOL

send me 1

Jogeshwar: because people would laugh at me

me: plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Jogeshwar: i will, by mail

9:41 PM me: yup,sure :)

i'll show it 2 my female frnds

Jogeshwar: hee hee

they like him

me: n m sure u'll hav more fans dan him :P

9:42 PM Jogeshwar: now dont tell me even if you are actually joking.. i am feeling so important

me: no,m serious

Jogeshwar: ok, thanks for not revealing that you were joking

9:43 PM me: do send me a pic...i'll send u d reactions in writing :P

Jogeshwar: ok let me now reveal something to you

me: wat????

Jogeshwar: i have been joking all this while.....

dont beat me

me: I knew :P

i knew i knew

9:44 PM :P

btw,riteish sounded too good :P

Jogeshwar: ok is that the disappointed "i knew" or the 'i actually knew you were joking you jogi fool-i knew"

9:45 PM me: actually knew you were joking you jogi fool-i knew"

Jogeshwar: hee hee

me: :P

Jogeshwar: oh then i made a fool of myself

me: haha..nvr mind :)

*End of the excerpt*

~~~~~~~~~

SHE.....AS TOLD BY HE

2010-07-04T00:00:00.002+05:30

I pray lights go out again.

I could see her luminous eyes in candle-light. My mind went blank and heart skipped a beat. Her visage seemed lovelier now. Nature was speechless to see her like this. She was talking nonchalantly all the time. I had decided- she was all mine.

Thus began a magnificent tale……………

THE DARK SECRET

2010-06-28T00:00:00.004+05:30

Its official.

Its broken.

Snapping last ties.

A scuffle.

An unintended touch.

Eyes meet.

Differences begin to melt.

A trifle glance.

A weird smile follows.

A maddening moment.

Heart beats faster.

Fail to utter words.

A strange affinity.

Reason loses to impulse.

Charmed ,enamoured.

Lips lock.

Emotions fused.

Bliss.

Sun rises.

Regrets.

A nocturnal mistake.

SHE AND HE

2010-06-21T00:00:00.004+05:30

Reflection : Do you really love him ?

She (reluctantly) : Yes, I do.

Reflection : Tell him.

She (sadly) : He’s too good for me. He doesn’t.

********

Reflection : You like her ?

He : Like ? I love her !

Reflection : Why don’t you tell her ?

He ( laughs it away ) : She’s too good for me. She doesn’t.

FATHERS' DAY

2010-06-20T00:00:00.003+05:30

You never said:

But I know-

You were glad enough to see my smiling face.

You were deeply distressed to see me in tears.

You were angry when a playmate hit me.

You were proud of me when I won a prize.

You consider me as one of the greatest gifts of your life.

I never said:

But you know it well-

Papa, I love you more than life.

SHE AND HE :55 FICTION

2010-06-14T00:00:00.002+05:30

She gazed into emptiness.

She cried.

A teardrop fell on the window sill.

*****

He was hitting the nail with the hammer.

Something stirred him.

The hammer hit his finger instead.

A drop of blood fell on the window sill.

YOUR CHILDREN BY KHALIL GIBRAN

2010-06-07T00:00:00.003+05:30

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you.

And though they are with you, they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite.

And He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hands be for happiness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

So He loves the bow that is stable.

I DO NOT LOVE YOU EXCEPT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU by Pablo Neruda

2010-05-31T00:00:00.003+05:30

I do not love you except because I love you;

I go from loving to not loving you,

From waiting to not waiting for you

My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;

I hate you deeply, and hating you

Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you

Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume

My heart with its cruel

Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who

Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,

Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

Note : One of my favourite poems written by Pablo Neruda.

THE ANNIVERSARY POST

2010-05-26T00:00:00.002+05:30

Happy birthday "My Life and Times" !

My blog is two years old today.

A big THANK YOU to my readers, who have kept me going.

Today, I want to share a beautiful poem with all of you. Its all the more special as it has been written by my mother. Long back though.
I'm pretty sure,you'll love it.

I REMEMBER....

I remember...
The moment I first saw you
When I first looked into your eyes
I felt a tremor,pass down my spine
But you remained unaffected.

I remember...
The other times
Fate put us together.
The many efforts I made
To reach out to you
But you remained indifferent.

I remember...
How desperate I felt
When I did not feel
your presence near,
When I tried to let you know
how much I yearned for you.
But you never seemed to care.
I remember...
The day you were leaving
And I saw you passing by..
My eyes brimming with
unshed tears,
Wondering if you would take me along.
But you never noticed.

I remember...
The tumult I felt within me
Waiting to reveal my
feeling to you,
wanting to probe into
Your silence.

And then...

I felt your
eyelids rise..
The time stood still
when you stopped
and nodded.

And
I understood you cared.

Note : To read more of her poems,click here.

WILD SWANS : A BOOK REPORT

2010-05-24T00:00:00.001+05:30

BOOK : WILD SWANS

AUTHOR : JUNG CHANG (Pronounced as “Yung”)

GENRE : NON-FICTION

There was this 12 year old reading an extract of the book “Wild Swans” by Jung Chang. It’s an autobiographical narrative about the author, a Chinese woman , her mother and her grandmother. The trials and tribulations of the three women is “Wild Swans”. After 9 years, the girl gets to read the whole book. A long wait. Rewarded amply though. A worthwhile read. Something that will remain with her for a lifetime.

The 12 year old is me. This “book report” is more emotional than factual.

The book begins with the author’s grandmother Yu fang born in 1909. Some interesting observations regarding erstwhile Chinese society are : weddings were fixed by parents even before children were born, wives were elder to husbands so that they could help them grow up, girls were considered to be a liability,prevalence of “bound feet” or “three-inch golden lilies” as they were called. To know more about the cruel practice of bound feet,see here. She was beautiful and intelligent. At 15,her father married her off to a 48 year old police officer who kept her as a concubine. A concubine is much like a keep, with no legal rights. Yu fang begot a girl child at 21 when her “husband” paid her a visit 6 years after wedding. She was kept in a comfortable home all the time. When her husband died, he released her from bondage and she escaped from the household. The police officer’s wife wanted to take her baby away as she was the only heir. Yu fang returned home and re-married a certain Dr.Xia who was 65.He had married sons but he agreed to bestow Yu fang with the status of a wife. They were in love. Dr.Xia accidentally killed his eldest son when he objected to the wedding. Xia and Yu fang set up a different household- started poor but soon had a comfortable life,thanks to flourishing practice of Dr. Xia.

Meanwhile the author’s mother, Yu fang’s daughter was growing up. She was named De Hong meaning “wild swan” by her step-father Dr.Xia. He loved her a lot. She grew up when Japanese had absolute control over China, similar to British occupation of India. Posters like “Daughter for sale for 10 kilos of rice” were commonplace then. De Hong was a non-conformist. She had boyfriends, strong communist idealogy and such “un-girly” interests. Such things were far ahead of her times in 1940s. At 16,she left home to stay in a school as a teacher and Communist agent. Political turmoil was at its peak then. She was actively involved in them. She was almost jailed for it. But it didn’t deter her. She was a free-spirit, much like the modern Indian woman today. She met her future husband in course of her work,who was also a hard-core Communist. He was ranks above her and had to seek permission from the government to “talk of love”. Such was the power of Communist idealogy. They married but their happiness never lasted long. De Hong had to take an ardous long journey on foot during her first pregnancy. She never realized that she was pregnant. Her husband was strongly against nepotism and never gave her special privileges. But after she lost the baby,he promised to take care of her needs. Since De Hong kept “family first” priority,she was despised by her colleagues, most of which were jealous of her. She carried on her work,had four kids,the second being the author. De Hong once remarked to her husband that he was first-rate communist but a nasty husband. Her husband said “Yes”. The family underwent great turmoil when the Cultural Revolution began. De Hong and her husband were ostracized for being “anti-Communist and capitalist roaders”. The author’s father lost his mental balance and was kept in a sanitorium. De Hong still stood with him,exemplifying the duty of an ideal wife. The family of seven was scattered in six different places. The authors’ parents underwent rigorous punishment for being “burgeois”-they were falsely implicated. At one point of time,De Hong’s husband wrote to her, "Please accept my apologies that come a lifetime too late. It is for my guilt towards you that I am happy for any punishment. I have not been a decent husband.Please get well and give me another chance." Meanwhile, the children had to bear a lot of hardship – due to parents absence as well as labeling them as children of “capitalist roaders”. Yu fang,the author’s grandmother died mostly due to medical negligence.

The authors’ parents underwent great hardship due to “Cultural Revolution” in China in the 1960s. The author and her siblings had to forego education and had to work as peasants. Nevertheless,they faced the atrocities bravely. Somehow,she was able to learn English in the local university.Unlike her mother, she never had romantic interests, more because it was considered “frivolous” during the revolution. The author lost her father in 1978. He was remorseful due to “misplaced dedication” towards Mao. Carl Jung got a scholarship and eventually settled in London. Due to liberalization in 1980s, her parents were able to regain their lost respect. The last lines of the book depict the irony of human life.

As I write this,a plethora of emotions run in my mind. I drew parallels to Indian society and culture all the time. Its all true,no iota of falsehood anywhere. “Wild Swans” do not belong to cages, they are free birds. I loved the book nine years ago,love it even more now and will cherish it till my last breath. I read the book with tears,it has been written in blood.

BACKGROUND KNOWLEDGE:

Foot Binding

CHINESE CIVIL WAR, 1949

MAO AND COMMUNISM IN CHINA

CULTURAL REVOLUTION IN CHINA

YOU

2010-05-17T00:00:00.003+05:30

Yes,I go…..

To the ends of my imagination…

Beyond the valley and the moors…

Beyond isolation…

Bereft of any blanket….

In the numbing cold….

All I see is shadows in the mist.

Illusions.

Mirages.

But not you.

Yet

I do not lose hope.

I wait for you.

ANWE-ISM : EXTENDED

2010-05-16T12:00:00.000+05:30

Laugh with others, not at others.

ITS DEAD

2010-05-12T00:00:00.000+05:30

It was a crazy moment.

I never realized things would get so serious.

The last minute talk did not help.

I did the ‘right’ thing before it was too late.

I had learnt to live sans you.

Now its you again.

But I can’t do it anymore.

My love is dead - like my unborn baby.

"M" for Mamma..........

2010-05-09T00:00:00.002+05:30

Smiles.

Stories.

Lessons.

Comfort.

Companionship.

Togetherness.

Friendship.

You are that small packet that encompasses my universe.

To the "big" girl of my life.

A HEART

2010-05-05T00:00:00.003+05:30

Somewhere there lie...

Pieces of broken me.

Gather I cannot

But stare at them.

Each is a memory - a part.

A beautiful one.

Desired,cherished,fulfilled.

Yonder lay the heart-

Empty,lone,aloof.

No reflections, no names scribbled.

Just a void.

A grotesque wound.

A frame without a picture.

A drop of tear,

And some petals dry...

YOU AND I...

2010-04-28T00:00:00.007+05:30

I : I never see you. Yet I trust you. Who are You ?

You (smiles,then looking straight into my eyes) : You really want to know ?
Peep into your soul for once.

You'll find me there, pining for you.

SHE AND HE

2010-04-21T00:00:00.004+05:30

It’s a different breeze when you are seventeen. There is only music, laughter and heartbeats to hear. He was just the same. Tall,dark and handsome. All that a giddy girl wanted. But he wanted only and only her. She was his “best friend”. Her kohl rimmed eyes enticed him. Her long,black hair seemed an abyss to him- where he could get lost forever.

One rainy night, she came to him – crying. Her "love" had ditched her. He was gleefully happy but disguised his expressions. A friend was what she needed, he explained. She looked into his eyes, confidingly. He assured her –no words were exchanged- eloquence paid off.

Six weeks passed. It rained again. She came again. With tears. The "old love" had apologized. She wanted to be back with him. Again. He was crestfallen. Yet he veiled his feelings. Once again.

Only if she had noticed the innumerable broken pieces of his heart strewn all over !

YOU - 55 FICTION

2010-04-14T00:00:00.005+05:30

It was easier to hate than love you.

I chose to love you.

It was easier to hold than set you free.

I chose to free you.

It was easier to pretend than be genuine.

I was genuine.

It was easier to forget than forgive you.

I forgave you…..

And You and I turned "We".

P.S. : An impulsive desire to create happy endings. I had initially ended it as a tragedy. ~~But then this happened.~~

Wishing all my readers a Happy New Year ( Mahavishuva Sankranti ) !

REBIRTH

2010-04-07T00:00:00.002+05:30

The pain

Of tearing flesh..

Tethered to the cruel jaws

Of destiny.

Each bite ripping off a part,

The body numbs..

Then disintegrates…

Then lies unidentified.

Somewhere far away

A new life sprouts.

The inanimate turns

Into a bundle of joy.

The same eyes..

The same lips…

A new identity.

P.S. : The concept of rebirth has somehow appealed to me. Your views and ideas are welcome.

I TOO HAD....

2010-03-31T00:00:00.001+05:30

Broken inside.

Smile conceals pain. Expectations dash. Life gets stuck.

Then comes hope.

I get up,shrug off grief. Walk into the world. Carve a niche for myself.

There is clamour for me.

My tormentor pretends to repent. Who knows if its real ?

I don’t care. Bask in my glory.

But those crushed pieces…..

Have I forgotten them ?

No.

They are still kept safely.

Away from the world.

Only for me.

To get nostalgic…

To recall those vivid memories….

Because long ago…

I too had a heart…alive and kicking…..bubbling with emotions and feelings.

FOREVER

2010-03-25T00:00:00.002+05:30

No matter how far you are…

No matter how angry you are…

No matter how hurt you are..

You never ever forget to

Care for me.

I never seem to notice you-

I take you as granted.

But…

In the corner of my eyes

You charm me..

With your brilliance and exuberance.

My feelings for you are beyond words..

And I know it’s the same for you.

No matter how old we are,

We shall always be

The best friends forever, Mom.

IMAGINATION

2010-03-18T00:00:00.001+05:30

In the fading lights of dusk,

Made in pure colours,

Amazing human vision,

Gushing life into listless spirits,

I find you mesmerizing.

No! You are not real.

All the same, you are beautiful.

Truth is far from you.

In the oasis of dreams

On eyes you rest and

Nurture fantasies of what will never be.

YOU

2010-03-11T00:00:00.002+05:30

I’ll know its “You” when-

You see my unshed tears..

You understand my silence…

You make me smile anyhow…

You read the pain in my eyes…

You take me to the world of bliss…

You hold my hand in adversity…

And some odd day,

Be lost in the cold mists !

YOU...

2010-03-04T00:00:00.001+05:30

Today its me in silk and gold,

Tomorrow it’ll be in a shroud.

Would you still love me ?

Would you still keep me alive ?

Would you still cherish my presence ?

Would you still be all mine ?

You cannot go back in time,

But would you walk with me, forever ?

YOU....

2010-02-25T00:00:00.001+05:30

Never thought about You….

Drunk in the wine of pleasure…

I ignored You.

You always smiled…

At me.

I didn’t see it coming.

A day when life abandoned me.

My loved one fell silent.

Then You took me in

Your arms.

Made me live again.

The way I never knew.

Filled with bliss.

I could see your footsteps

Unwashed, on the shores of time.

Exactly on the path I traversed.

I was gratified…

Then bewildered…

Then revered You…

You did so much for me.

Even though I never trusted You….

They are so true when they say –

Strange are the ways of the Lord !

Soliloquy of a Sonador.............

2010-02-18T00:00:00.003+05:30

Just wanted to taste your lips,

Didn’t know when your soul kissed me.

Just wanted to listen to you,

Didn’t know when you became a habit.

Just wanted to let you free,

Didn’t know when you bound me unto you.

Just wanted to watch you play,

Didn’t know when I joined the game.

Just wanted to feel your touch,

Didn’t know when you healed my wounds.

Just wanted to get a life,

Didn’t know when you became my life……

MY LIFE AND TIMES

A RANDOM CONVERSATION

SOMETHING.

THE SHADE OF OUR LIVES

CHRISTMAS CONVERSATIONS

A NOTE.UNANSWERED.

THE ONLY ONE

77 FICTION : TEAR FILLED EYES

SHE AND HE

ANWE-ISM : TENET OF THE WEEK

THE PERFECT STRANGER

LAGNIAPPE

THE NEW, THE OLD AND LIFE

ANWE-ISM : A NEW FLAVOUR

TUM YAAD AA GAYE

ANWE-ISM RE-INVENTED

THE OTHER WOMAN

THE FORSAKEN MAD MAN

THE WORDLESS PARAMOUR - PART 2

THE WORDLESS PARAMOUR

A TIME CALLED NOW

TEN FACTS ABOUT BEING A GIRL IN A T-SCHOOL

KISI DIN.....

SOMETHING LASTS FOREVER

JIVANN

THE ABANDONED LETTER

OF LOVE, AMORE AND ROMANCE : A LOVE LETTER

77 FICTION : A GIFT CALLED LIFE

THE FINAL WISH

A DAUGHTER'S LETTER

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES

THE RAINBOW

A GULMOHAR STORY

THINGS I WILL MISS AFTER COLLEGE

I have loved flowers that fade - Robert Bridges

SONG OF THE WINDS

ANWE-ISM V6

One can either be ordinary or extraordinary.

The problem with most people is they want to be both.

A LETTER TO FAIRYLAND

SHE AND HE

YOU.....

MEMORIES AND YOU

I WOULD LOVE IT

CHIMERA

ANWE-ISM 4.0

PAIN

A NOTE

THIS THING CALLED ANGER....

YOU....

YOU.....

A FEW SUMMERS AGO......

FICTION SERIES : HE AND SHE

Tohfa

WAITING FOR YOU

MY CONVERSATIONS WITH MYSELF

YES, I AM A WOMAN

I ONCE HAD A DREAM

A JOURNEY TO REMEMBER

THE CYNIC SPEAKS

A TALE OF LOVE AND NO LOVE

REMEMBER ?

ANWE-ISM 3.0

A CONFESSION

PERFECT LOVERS

I CANNOT REMEMBER MY MOTHER ~ Rabindranath Tagore

TODAY

TWO THOUGHTS

DO NOT STAND AT MY GRAVE AND WEEP - MARY FRYE

THE EMPTY BENCH

A Letter. Unsent.

AN UNFINISHED PAINTING

SHE....

HE AND SHE : 77 FICTION

ANWE-ISM 2.0

THE VEIL

YES,I DO.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF HURMAN BAWEJA

SHE.....AS TOLD BY HE

THE DARK SECRET

One can either be ordinary **or extraordinary.**

**The problem with most people is they want to be both.**